Halfway to Ending the World
by sunbune
Summary: An obvious sequel! Is anyone crazy enough to read MORE of the inevitable PMK RK crossover? let's see... Heisuke's a decent looking guy, right? Tomoe's plastered, Hotaru gets a new job, and lookalikes always make things interesting!
1. don't give up

Halfway to Ending the World

Author's note: the second part of this first chapter is pretty serious and wordy, but for some reason I want it to be in here. However, if you'll just hang on until the second chapter, things will get interesting again!

Chapter 1: don't give up

Himura Battousai was back in his room at the Kohagi inn. He woke up instantly as the shouji snapped open. His hand was already on the hilt of his sword- had he been sleeping with it in that position? He didn't care. He sprang to his feet. His instincts told him that the person facing him now was extremely dangerous.

Standing in the doorway was a scruffy-looking samurai with a broad grin and feverishly bright, wild eyes. His grey hakama had probably once been white and his disheveled hair was partially hidden beneath a strange brown hat. There were two swords at his hip and Battousai knew instantly that he was a master swordsman, but there was something else about him that worried the young hitokiri. There was something indefinable about this weathered, unkempt-looking man… but it was something powerful.

"Hello hello _hello_!" Sakamoto Ryouma exclaimed. "Saaa! You're absolutely the cutest thing ever!"

"eh?" Battousai asked, blinking.

"I can't believe I haven't met you yet!" Ryouma rushed forward, extending his right hand eagerly. Battousai squinted at him suspiciously as he approached. "Come on! Let go of that sword for a second so I can shake yer hand!"

"Shake my hand?" Battousai repeated, dumbfounded.

"Of course!" Ryouma was right in front of him now, beaming down at him like a proud parent. "It's the western way to say 'hello'!"

"_Western?_" Battousai said, even more suspicious.

"Say, have you ever been on a ship? Would ya like to see the world? Of course you would! My boy, you'd be perfect for the Navy!"

"Navy?"

"_Exactly!_" Ryouma shouted, raising a fist in the air and then smashing it down into the palm of this other hand. "What do you say, son? Will you sign up? We can do a hell of lot more for this country with _ships_ than with swords, ya know! YA HA HA HA! So what do you say?" Ryouma peered eagerly into the boy's face, his eyes shining with brilliance that bordered on insanity.

"Who the hell _are_ you?" Battousai snarled.

"Hoh? You don't know?" Ryouma asked, genuinely surprised. Then he gave a whole-hearted smile. "Of course, I'm Sakamoto Ryouma! Nice to meet you, ne?"

The boy's mouth fell open. _This _was the person with the idea of uniting Satsuma and Choshu? _This_ was the radical revolutionary, the most wanted man in Kyoto? Not much actually surprised the hitokiri Battousai these days, but this guy sure did. The boy released his hold on his weapon, and immediately the strange man grabbed his hand and gave it an enthusiastic shake.

"Jyaaa- I'm so happy that Katsurasan finally told me about you!" Ryouma exclaimed. "And he gave me permission to 'scout' you, too. Ah, lucky me!"

"Su kao to?"

"Yes! It means that I want to recruit you!"

"For the navy?"

"For the nation!" Ryouma's voice practically thundered with conviction. Battousai frowned and looked away.

"I'm already doing what I can…" he said quietly.

Ryouma slapped the boy on the arm playfully, eliciting a dark scowl from the scrawny redhead. "Oh, I'm sure you are, kid!" Ryouma said, beaming. "But here's your big chance to do something even _better_! Building something new is always more challenging than tearing apart something old, ya'know? You've been 'tearing' for a while now, so why not try 'building'?"

Battousai looked down sullenly. "There's still too many people that need to be torn apart," he muttered. "If I live to see the revolution complete, then…"

Sakamoto's expression sobered and he nodded wisely. "That's exactly what Katsura told me you'd say," the wanted man sighed and searched the boy's eyes. "He said you won't quit until the end. You'll just kill and kill, until you see for yourself a clear victory. But let me ask you something. How long are you going to _hold on_, before you finally go crazy? What if it takes years to win? When it's finally time to stop, will you still be able to?"

Battousai blinked, and then his eyes narrowed in determination. "I'll hold on as long as I can," he said quietly. "Although sometimes I think it's already too late."

The scruffy-looking samurai's expression turned to one of exaggerated pity, and, lower lip quivering, he leaned in towards the little hitokiri with both arms outstretched. "Don't give up hope!" Ryouma said loudly, on the verge of tears.

"H-hey, Sakamotosan-" Battousai protested, trying unsuccessfully at the last minute to scramble out of the way as the man went to hug him. Sakamoto caught the boy in his arms and lifted him into the air, hugging the hitokiri against his chest. Battousai froze, his eyes wide and panicky.

"You're so cute and so _patriotic_!" Sakamoto bawled, tears running down his face. "Selflessly doing whatcha do, all for the future of Japan!"

"L- let me go!" Battousai demanded in a high-pitched, girly voice.

"It's definitely _not_ too late for you," Ryouma said warmly, setting the boy back on his feet. Before Battousai could duck out of the way, Ryouma plopped a hand down on top of his head and ruffled the red bangs fondly. "So don't give up, ok?" Ryouma said with a cheerful grin.

Battousai just stared at him in shock.

* * *

"Faster!" Shrieked the little girl, wrapping her tiny arms even tighter around her horsie's neck. "Go, horsie! Go!"

Souji laughed and trotted ahead at a faster pace, as the little girl shrieked in delight and accidentally pulled his hair. Souji winced, smiling, and whirled around.

"My turn! My turn!" the other kids squealed, catching up to him and jumping up and down excitedly.

"Phef!" Souji panted, lowering the girl to the ground. "Sorry, everyone, but I think the horsie has to catch his breath for a minute."

"Me next!" a pudgy-faced toddler whined in a loud voice. Souji smiled at him.

"Ok, you can go next," he said kindly. "Just a minute-" Souji stood, stretched, gulped air into his lungs. It felt good. For the moment. Which was all that mattered. He smiled and crouched down so the little boy could clamber up onto this back. "Now then," Souji said happily, looking around. "Ah! I know! Do you think the horsie can jump over that bench?"

"Yeah!" shouted the kids. The toddler riding piggy-back laughed and slapped Souji's shoulders with both of his fat little hands. "Let's go!" Laughing, Souji took off at a run and cleared the bench easily. But on the other side, he came to an abrupt halt. Wide-eyed, he stared at the person walking down the street towards him, an average-sized man dressed like a peasant and wearing a large rush hat that hid most of his face.

"What'sa matter, horsie?" the tiny boy asked worriedly, kicking his little feet.

"Oh," Souji said, swallowing. "Nothing." He turned his attention back to the man in the middle of the street, who was even closer now, and heading straight for him. There was no mistake. Souji's expression turned serious.

"come on! Let's go!" the boy said.

"Actually," Souji said, lowering the child to the ground. "I'm really sorry, but I have to talk to somebody for a minute. Go play with the others, ok?"

"Okay," the boy said reluctantly, but then hurried off to join his friends. Souji watched him go with a bit of a wistful expression, and then it was back to business. The man had come to a stop just a few feet away.

"Okita Souji?" the man asked in a calm, even voice. Souji nodded his head once, and the man tipped back his rush hat to reveal a handsome face with a genteel smile.

"Katsura Kogoro-dono," Souji said politely, his voice low and cautious. "So it really is you."

"Yes," the man said. "Do you mind if we get off the street for a moment?"

"Of course not," Souji said, his eyes half-closed and dangerous-looking. Together they stepped into the nearest restaurant and Katsura ordered some soup for the both of them.

"I must say, it's rather daring of you to approach me, Katsura-dono," Souji said softly once the waitress had left.

"Hardly," Katsura said kindly. "At the moment, you don't even have a sword."

"There are still passersby in the street who have swords," Souji replied. "I could easily borrow one."

"Ah. But there are still _children_ in the street as well," Katsura said with a smile. "I know you wouldn't kill me in broad daylight, dressed as a peasant, in front of those kids."

Souji looked down at his hands, which he had folded placidly in his lap. He blinked a few times, and when he looked up again, it was with a friendly smile. "Anyway. What did you want to talk to me about, sir?"

"Sakamoto Ryouma told me about you." Katsura said, leaning forward intently.

"I've had a few interesting encounters with Ryoumasan," Souji acknowledged. "He wants me to join the Navy, but unfortunately, I've a commitment to the Shinsengumi at present." He smiled apologetically at Katsura.

Katsura nodded. "I understand you recently made a deal with a young associate of mine."

Souji narrowed his eyes. Where was this going?

"I was wondering if you could tell me why you were so merciful," Katsura said.

"I just… felt sorry for him," Souji said, starting to feel a little uncomfortable with the conversation. "I didn't want him to be taken away from what he'd chosen."

"I see," Katsura said, and smiled kindly. "You know, you remind of that boy. The two of you are very similar. And that is why… _I _want to make a deal with you."

Souji stared at him, perplexed.

"As you know," Katsura continued cordially, "My people are fairly adept at manipulating information. I wonder what effect it would have on morale in the Shinsengumi if it turned out that the beloved captain of the first squad, the trusted confidant of Commander Kondou and both vice-commanders, was actually a Choshu spy?"

Souji laughed, shaking his head. "Katsura-dono, that's ridiculous. I'm sure you wouldn't try to spread such a preposterous story. No one would believe it!"

"I've already had _five_ incidental witnesses observe this conversation," Katsura informed him. "You let the hitokiri Battousai escape from your headquarters, and a few days later you're seen meeting with _me_…I think, if told in the proper format, the story would be _entirely_ believable."

Souji's eyes grew very round. Before he could say anything, the waitress brought their soup. Souji glanced up at her in horror, and she smiled at him smugly, and then turned and gave a very obvious wink to Katsura. Katsura nodded to her, and then looked back at Souji with an amused expression on his face.

Souji frowned bitterly. "What do you want?" he asked, his voice and expression glum.

Katsura smiled. "You would be such an incomparable asset that I have to ask: Would you be willing to lend your sword to our cause?"

"And abandon my friends?" Souji asked quietly. "Of course not."

Katsura sighed. "I didn't think so. And, that being the case, the deal is this: I won't spread the story of you being a spy, if you will let me thank you for what you did for Himurakun." He smiled at Souji, bowing his head forward neatly.

"eh?" Souji asked, confused.

"Thank you for freeing Himurakun," Katsura said, and his eyes were sincere. "I am truly thankful that he was able to meet someone like you."

Souji frowned again and shook his head, still puzzled. "But… why the threat of blackmail? I don't understand."

"I wanted to see what you would do," Katsura said, smiling and slurping his soup. "If you had some underhanded motive for letting Battousai escape, your reaction to the threat of blackmail just now would've been more complicated than 'what do you want?'. For example, if your loyalty to your comrades was fading, you might have tried to used the situation just now for your own benefit; or simply told me that you didn't care. And if _that_ was the case, then I would have tried to gain the advantage, and see how I might use you to further our goals. I'd heard that you're a trustworthy, kind-hearted person, Okitakun. But now I am completely convinced. For letting Himura escape, we are already indebted to your kindness, and I would be ashamed of myself for taking advantage of you."

Okita gaped at him, awed. "I can see why… they say you are a great leader, Katsura-dono."

"I try my best," Katsura said modestly. "That's the most any of us can do, isn't it?"

Souji nodded, relieved. It warmed his heart to know that the leader of his enemies was someone who would rather respect people than merely _use_ them for his own purposes. Souji studied Katsura's eyes, and noticed that beneath the intelligence and determination burning there, a deep sadness lingered. Quickly Souji realized exactly what it was, and he smiled.

"Katsura-dono," he said gently. "I can tell that you dislike using people, but in certain cases you've chosen to do so for the good of all. Listen to me: _Don't_ regret it. Don't have any regrets. You're blaming yourself for making that boy a killer, but it's not your fault. It's just fate: the times we live in, the passion in his own heart, the experiences of his childhood- who knows? You are playing only one small role in his story, and you shouldn't regret it."

"No, Okitakun. What I chose to do to Himura was a horrible mistake. There is no way I can ever be forgiven for it."

"He wouldn't want your apology anyway," Souji said. "What you need to do, what you _owe_ that boy… is to keep fighting your hardest for what you both believe in."

"Of course," Katsura said , smiling sadly. "I won't fail him. I _will_ bring about a new era."

Souji matched his smile, and nodded. His shining violet eyes seemed to say, _I hope you do_. "But, Katsura-dono," Souji said. "To make that a little easier for yourself… please, in the future, stay out of my way!" Rather than a threat, it seemed like a friendly joke. Katsura understood.

"Don't worry, Captain Okita," he said with another smile, "I will make every effort to avoid giving you and your friends the opportunity to kill me."

"Good," Okita said happily, standing up. "And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I'm running out of time to think about 'new eras'. I have a few more piggy-back rides to give before dinner time."

Katsura nodded and Souji bowed. "Thank you again," Katsura said. "And… you should seriously consider the Navy."

Souji laughed and shook his head, and then made his way outside, where the group of kids pounced on him, wondering where he'd been and welcoming him back. Katsura listened as their high-pitched, excited little voices faded down the street. Then he looked back at Souji's untouched bowl of soup.

_I'm running out of time to think about new eras._

Katsura knew he hadn't imagined the pain in the Shinsengumi captain's voice as Okita had said that. But with so much weighing on him, the young man could still empathize with his enemies, smile, and play with children. And if Okita could do that, there was hope for Himura.

Katsura smiled, and his eyes seemed a little less sad than they had a moment earlier. Taking a deep breath, Katsura left some money on the table and put back on his wide rush hat, slipping away down the street.


	2. delicate, gorgeous, wasted

Author's note: Time to have fun! …Ok, so she might a _little _bit out of character. But she's drunk, so give her a break!

Chapter 2: delicate, gorgeous, and wasted

"Damn, this has been the most boring weekend ever," Sanosuke said, interlocking his fingers behind his head. The tall man and his two shorter buddies were strolling down the street, all three of them looking grumpy.

"Usually there's _something_ going on in this town," Shinpachi mused, yawning. "I guess all the interesting folks picked this weekend to go on vacation."

Heisuke sighed, looking considerably more dejected than his two companions. Shinpachi looked over at him, and then patted him on the arm compassionately. "Cheer up, Heisuke," Shinpachi said half-heartedly. "You didn't really love her anyway, did you? Sure, she was the hottest thing we ever saw, but I'm sure you'll be able settle for something a little less hot that is also a little less likely to strip you of all your cash and then dump you for a disgustingly wealthy old geezer, right?"

"Guys," Heisuke muttered miserably. "I'm going to kill myself."

"Oh, shut up," Sano said. "You say that every time you get ditched and there's not a single scratch on your beautiful white belly yet."

"I mean it this time," Heisuke said listlessly, staring at the ground. "I'm sick of the world. It's hopeless. I'm hopeless."

"God, it's depressing when you're in one of these moods, Heisuke," Shinpachi muttered, sounding genuinely annoyed.

"_Sor_-ree," Heisuke said sarcastically. "But I'm the one who just got _dumped_ by 'the hottest thing we ever saw', remember? I had a really good thing going on for a while. I had a beautiful _dream_. She was the _one_."

"Heisuke… we warned you from the start about that girl. Everybody from here to Edo knows she's a money-hungry little slut, and you were dumb enough to fall for her! It's your own fault," Shinpachi declared.

"I feel like I just got my heart torn out and trampled while a dog took a piss in the gaping hole in my chest," Heisuke said, a little too graphically, as tears formed in his eyes. He glared at Shinpachi and Sano, sniffling. "But I guess asking for a _little_ sympathy from my best friends _would_ be asking too much."

"Groan!" Sano said, rolling his eyes. "Hey man, I've got a little money left. Come on, Heisuke, lemme buy you a drink."

"I don't _want _a drink," Heisuke moaned. "I just want to be loved. But it's hopeless, I'm telling you."

"There's a tavern right there," Shinpachi said, grabbing Heisuke's arm. Together he and Sano pulled their weakly- protesting friend towards the dismal-looking little bar.

"Nobody will ever love me," Heisuke moaned, tears running down his face. Sano pushed aside the curtain that half-obscured the entrance to the tavern, revealing a person who was just on her way out.

Sano and Shinpachi gasped. Standing before them was a girl who was at least twice as hot as 'the hottest thing they ever saw'. She was elegant, slender, and graceful, she was pale and pure as snow with jet-black hair and dark, enticing, enigmatic eyes. Her mouth was a perfect pout, and she _smelled_ absolutely divine. She stared at Heisuke for half a moment, and began breathing in audible little gasps that seemed, to the three men, to be the most sensuous sounds they had ever heard. Suddenly that perfectly white face flushed with heat, and she collapsed against Heisuke, who managed to catch her awkwardly.

"I love you," the girl gasped in a beautiful, tremulous whisper, her slender fingers clutching the fabric of Heisuke's haori. And then, suddenly, she was kissing him. Sano and Shinpachi could do nothing but stare, while Heisuke stood there, completely stunned, eyes wide as saucers. At last the girl took her tongue out of Heisuke's mouth and rested her head on his chest, hugging him tightly and shivering a little.

"Uh… guys?" Heisuke asked in a very high-pitched voice, sweat rolling down the sides of this face. He looked back and forth between Sano and Shinpachi, his arms wrapped around the lovely delicate angel who had thrown herself at him. "I… Uh…" Heisuke continued, swallowing. "Everything's a little hazy, but, uh, I remember saying I was going to kill myself, and, wow, did I actually succeed? Is this heaven? Am I dead?"

"Uhh…" Sano and Shinpachi chorused stupidly.

The girl nodded. "You're dead," she whimpered breathlessly. "But I don't care. I love you."

"Hey you all," came a grumpy voice from inside the tavern. "In or out! You can't just loiter in the doorway forever."

"Suman, suman!" Shinpachi called, and tugged Heisuke's sleeve. "Come on, man, let's go inside."

"I'm fine right here, actually," Heisuke said, dazed. Sano carefully steered Heisuke and the girl into the tavern and got them seated next to each other at a table. The girl slouched against Heisuke, still breathing in lovely, ragged little gasps. A waitress came by with sake for the three men, and they all gulped down a shot right away.

"Man, what's _with_ this chick?" Sano grumbled, sniffing the air noisily. "She smells better than Ayu's cooking."

"It's some kind of _perfume_, you idiot," Shinpachi barked. "And in addition to smelling like several gardens worth of sweetly forbidden fruit, she's utterly sloshed."

"And she kissed me," Heisuke added, still in shock.

"Uh, yeah, if you call _that _kissing," Sano said loudly. "Looked like she was trying to suck your soul out through your mouth!"

"It might've worked," Heisuke said, turning pink. "I'm feeling… really… strange. Kinda light-headed. Kinda… floaty."

"That's because you're a ghost," the girl said in a tiny, slurred voice. "Ghosts are floaty."

"wow…" Heisuke said in a dreamy voice. "So are Sano and Shinpachi ghosts too, or am I just imagining them?"

"I don't care," the girl said, reaching up to Heisuke's face and running her fingers through his bangs. "All I care about is you, Akira-sama."

"Dude…" Heisuke said. "Did you guys know you get a new name when you die? It's weird. I don't even remember doing it. I hope I didn't disgrace myself. Which one of you was my second, or was it Souji?"

"Heisuke, you're not dead!" Shinpachi told him, exasperated. "The girl is drunk. Maybe the perfume's messing with your brain. Sano, get her off of him for a minute, will you?"

"Come here, missy," Sano said, half lifting, half dragging the girl to the other side of the table. He held her upright with both hands. Her head rolled forward until her chin was resting on her chest.

"Snap out of it, Heisuke," Shinpachi said, shaking his friend's shoulders.

"What happened?" Heisuke asked, eyeing the girl across the table suspiciously. She seemed to have slipped into a doze.

"This totally hot babe jumped on you," Shinpachi summarized. "She said you were dead and she called you 'Akira-sama'."

"That's weird," Heisuke said, blinking. "I wonder why she did that?"

"Drunk people do some weird stuff," Shinpachi said, clearly speaking from experience. "Anyway let's get you another drink and not worry about it. Mysterious women like this one are only good for causing problems."

"But she's _beautiful_ and mysterious," Heisuke said. "Don't be so quick to judge her!"

"Hmm…" Shinpachi said, tucking up his bottom lip in his famous 'kitten-face' expression. "I think I've got it. You must look like her dead husband or lover or somebody."

"You think so?" Heisuke asked, wide-eyed. "oh, wow- that's so romantic!"

"I dunno," Sano said. "You really think an average-looking guy like Heisuke could get a hot chick like this for a lover?"

"Fiancé," the girl mumbled.

"Man, she's got a sexy voice," Sano exclaimed, practically drooling.

"You idiot, did you hear what she said?" Shinpachi screeched.

"_Fiancé!_" Heisuke repeated, mesmerized by the word. "And look how she's dressed! She's obviously from a good family. You know what that probably means?"

Shinpachi nodded, his expression grave. "It means she's probably a v-i-r-"

"VIRGIN?" Sano yelled, and everyone in the room turned to look. Shinpachi put his elbows on the table and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh man, how did we ever get into this mess?" he groaned. Sano laughed heartily, patting the semi-conscious girl on the back.

"HAH!" Sano roared. "Are you trying to be funny, Shinpachi? A virgin as good-looking as THIS, here is Kyoto? Have you forgotten that HIJIKATA has been in town for like a year now? WAH HAH HA!"

"Use your brain, Sano," Shinpachi said. "_Obviously_ she's not from around here. This is probably her first night alone in the city, which explains why she was dumb enough to get this trashed."

Sano's mouth fell open as he turned sheet-white and let go of the girl as if she had suddenly caught fire. With a small uncomfortable whimper, the girl collapsed forward onto the table and remained there.

"god, Sano, be careful!" Heisuke said angrily.

"So you're saying she might really be… I mean, you're saying there's a chance that this delicious-smelling babe has actually never….?" Sano stammered.

"I'm saying there's a _very_ good chance of that," Shinpachi confirmed with a nod.

"Oh damn, this is bad," Sano said, sweating. "This means trouble, this means BIG trouble, Shinpachi! You don't… I don't… we _can't_ be messing around with this girl!"

"I KNOW that," Shinpachi exclaimed, looking ill.

"Stop it, both of you," Heisuke scolded. "She's not _poisonous_. She's a beautiful, innocent angel-butterfly who happens to havea certain kind of appeal that would put 9 out of 10 Kyoto geigi to shame. It's not _her _fault that she's delicate, gorgeous, and wasted! She's obviously been sent to us for a reason. She needs our help!"

"Whoa, _whoa,_ Heisuke," Shinpachi said, suspicious. "_Please_ don't tell me you're already infatuated with this girl."

"But Shinpachi! She flew right into my arms! Her lovely precious heart was beating against MY heart! You have no idea what that was LIKE, Shinpachi!"

"Heh heh," Sano snickered. "That's because when a woman flies into _Shinpachi's_ arms, her heart beats against his forehead. Or against the air above it!"

"Shut UP," Shinpachi scowled, annoyed. "For your information, there are plenty of short women out there, and plenty of beautiful short women, all of whom you don't even notice because they're _shorter_ than me! Anyway, Heisuke, PLEASE come to your senses. She jumped at you because she thought you were someone else. It's kind of sad, actually."

"Tragic, even," Heisuke agreed. "And that's what makes it even more romantic!"

"Ugh!" Shinpachi grunted, rolling his eyes. "Well we can't just leave her here. We'll have to take her back to headquarters for tonight. When she sobers up in the morning we'll find out who she is and where she came from. Sano, pick her up and let's go."

"No WAY," Sano said, slamming his fist on the table and making the empty sake dishes jump. "I'm not touching her. I'm _not_ going to be involved in any kind of scandal with a beautiful virgin from out-of-town. Her _dad_ is probably like, Lord of Aizu or somebody, and I'll bet she has like ten older brothers who are all Noh actors." Sano shivered.

"Noh actors?" Shinpachi repeated, blinking. "What the hell? Sano…are you telling us you're actually scared of Noh actors?"

"You mean you AREN'T?" Sano asked, aghast. The tall man shivered again. "Man, they totally creep me out. But anyway I'm _not _carrying this girl for you. _Heisuke's_ her dead lover, so I think he should do it."

"It will be an honor to carry her," Heisuke said breathlessly.

They managed to transport the passed-out girl all the way back to Shinsengumi headquarters without any incidents.

"Are you sure we aren't going to get in trouble for this?" Sano asked Shinpachi for the hundredth time. Shinpachi scowled at him and then knocked softly on the door in front of him. A moment later, a very sleepy-looking Captain Okita slid back the shouji.

"Something going on?" he yawned. "Goodness, it's late."

"We've brought this girl," Sano blurted out anxiously.

Souji scowled. "Honestly, did you HAVE to bring her back to headquarters? Can't you have fun with her at the place you found her at? I know I've overlooked it in the past, but surely by now the novelty of breaking the rules has worn off..."

"No, no, this is different!" Sano said, sweating. "This one might be a you-know-what!"

"A… Choshu spy?" Souji guessed, frowning.

"No! a _V-I-R- you know what!_ " Sano whispered desperately.

Souji's frown deepened and he put a hand on his hip. "Hold on a minute. Where did you get her from?" he asked crossly.

"That's the whole problem," Shinpachi explained in an urgent whisper. "This isn't an iromachi girl. We ran into her at a bar downtown."

"You're kidnapping girls from bars now?" Souji asked, disgusted.

"No, no, no, we rescued her!" Shinpachi said. "She was already wasted when we got there. She would've spent the night out in the gutter if we hadn't brought her here."

"How noble of you," Souji said, his tone still disapproving. "But I don't understand why you felt you had to confess all of this to me."

"Don't you get it?" Sano hissed. "We can't leave her with Heisuke because she thinks he's her dead fiancé, and Shinpachi and me don't want anything to do with it!"

"What?" Souji asked, confused.

"Ayunee's not here so we figured putting her with _you _for the night would be the safest place for her," Shinpachi admitted. "Will that be all right?"

Souji sighed. "Yes, she'll be safe here for the night. But am I really the only person around here who can be trusted to stay in the same room as a girl who might be a v-i-r-you-know-what without causing a scandal? That's a little depressing, but never mind. I'll look after her."

"You know it'll be _your_ neck that her ten brothers and the Lord of Aizu crush if anything happens to her, right?" Sano asked.

"If her ten brothers and the Lord of Aizu couldn't prevent her from being carried off by the three of _you,_ then I doubt I have anything to fear from them," Souji remarked, his eyes half-closed. "But yes, I'll accept the responsibility if anything happens to her. So where is she?"

"Here!" Heisuke panted, appearing around the corner with the girl in his arms. Reverently he laid her down on Okita's futon, which was still warm from being so recently occupied by Okita himself. "Goodnight, love," Heisuke whispered as he pulled the blanket up to her chin. He looked up at Souji with tears in his eyes. "The poor girl thinks I'm her dead fiancé," he explained. "Isn't that tragic?"

"Hmm," Souji said, studying the girl's snow-white face. "Well. I'm sure she has an interesting story to tell, which we can all look forward to hearing in the morning."

"Right," Heisuke said, nodding. "Take care of her, ok? If she needs anything, come get me."

Souji nodded and the trio of troublemakers crept off to their own rooms for the night. Once they were gone, Souji sighed and looked down at the sleeping girl. She was quite beautiful, especially asleep with her long dark eyelashes on her pale cheeks and her lips slightly parted. Souji shook his head and sat down wearily on the floor. He really didn't think anything would happen, but he pulled his sword closer to his side just in case, and before long, he fell asleep…

Author's note:Yay, we're back to the funny stuff!Comments? Questions? Gripes? Requests? Review! Thanks for reading!


	3. how about chivalry?

Chapter 3: how about chivalry?

Vice commander Hijikata Toshizou couldn't fall asleep. He had been under a considerable amount of stress lately, and desperately wanted to sleep it off. Laying flat on his back in the darkness of his room, he had tried everything short of meditation to try and clear his mind. Any observer would have thought that he was asleep, because his eyes were closed and his face expressionless, but his mind was practically spinning.

For some reason he found himself remembering all the nights at the Shiei kan that he had stayed up late talking with Kondou. Morning always came too soon, with Okita Mitsu and her scrawny, ever-smiling younger brother laughing and dashing through the halls to get them out of their beds as creatively as possible. Morning people… ugh. Hijikata was vaguely disgusted by them. If it were up to him, waking in a cheerful mood would be a violation of bushido.

But those had been good days at Shiei hall, despite the constant restlessness, the desire to prove himself, the frustration of being powerless in the face of the changing times. And now the happy memories faded quickly, replaced by more urgent concerns. The city was getting bloodier… there were issues with discipline… Choshu… Yamanami. What _was_ Sannan's problem, and why couldn't he get over it? Hijikata frowned, but kept his eyes shut. He was tired of worrying, tired of thinking. He _needed_ to go to sleep. Perhaps he would try meditation after all. Hijikata took a deep breath and let it out slowly, focusing on his surroundings… it was quiet… it was the middle of the night, and it was dark and quiet… peacefully dark and quiet….

And suddenly a wall shattered inward with an explosive crash as a body was hurled through it and into Hijikata's room. Hijikata jumped to his feet, heart pounding. He grabbed his sword and drew the blade, glaring out into the night. Silence. There was no one there-- at least, no one that he could see. A moment passed and still no enemy appeared.

"uhn," moaned the body on the floor. Hijikata glanced down at it and his eyes widened.

"Yamazakikun!" he grunted, dropping to his knees beside the boy. He grabbed the teenaged kansatsu by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back. "_Yamazaki!_"

The pale-faced boy opened his eyes as blood trickled from his mouth. He looked up at Hijikata with incredible shame and sorrow in his dark eyes. "Hiji-kata-san," he said in a gasping whisper. "I…failed you." With that, the boy's eyes rolled back and he went limp.

Hijikata couldn't believe it. Almost angrily, he shook Susumu's shoulders. "Yamazaki!" he repeated gruffly. "Damn it, hold on!"

"He isn't dead," hissed a sinister voice from no particular direction. Hijikata repressed a shudder and looked around the room, still hunched somewhat protectively over the unconscious watcher.

"Show yourself!" Hijikata commanded. "Who are you and why have you done this?"

A ninja dropped lightly to the ground just beyond the gaping hole from the shattered wall. "I am of the _Yaminobu_," he or she said in that same sinister hiss. "I have business to discuss with you, Hijikatasan. Your young spy foolishly attempted to interfere."

"Yami-nobu?" Hijikata repeated. "I've never even heard of you! Just what kind of 'business' could you possibly have with me?"

"We are not your enemies," the ninja said. "Currently, we are involved in a rather complex scheme to bring about the downfall of a certain Choshu Ishin-shishi--"

"I don't give a damn about you Yami-nobodies or your schemes!" Hijikata roared.

"That's fine," the ninja replied quickly. "But if you don't give us back our operative, we will take her back by force, and then your pathetic little spy-boy won't be the only casualty of the night."

Hijikata sensed the very real threat behind the ninja's words. "What 'operative'?" he growled. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The ninja made a sound that was almost a sigh and then crossed his arms in a very un-ninja-like pose. "We had a young woman who was supposed to pretend to get drunk at a local restaurant tonight," the ninja explained. "The problem is, she's… inexperienced. She was at the wrong restaurant, and she didn't just 'pretend'."

"Let me guess." Hijikata grumbled. "She ran into some of my men and they decided to 'take care of her' for the evening?"

"Exactly," the ninja said, sounding a little surprised that Hijikata had figured it out so fast. "And now, I've come to retrieve her."

"So where is she?" Hijikata asked, exasperated. "I can't give her back to you if I don't know where she is."

* * *

Souji had been asleep for perhaps half an hour when he was woken up for the second time that night. He gazed listlessly at the dark ceiling, unsure of what had awoken him, and even more unsure of why he wasn't sleeping in his bed. 

Then his brain registered the faint scent of perfume. Slowly he turned his head, and silently observed the silhouette of the girl sleeping on his futon. He watched her chest rise and fall peacefully under the blanket, and gradually he remembered how she had gotten there. That's right- he was supposed to be protecting her. But why had he woken up? What was wrong?

Suddenly the feeling of imminent danger intensified so forcefully that Souji sat up and automatically grabbed his sword. His eyes narrowed. _That _was what had woken him- his keen swordsman's instincts were warning him that something with violent intentions was headed his way.

A hulking black shadow holding a drawn sword was stomping its way across the yard. Its gleaming eyes were fixated on one thing: the door to Captain Okita's room. Suddenly that door opened and a slender figure dressed in a white yukata appeared on the porch. It also held a sword, and the blade glinted coldly in the moonlight. Souji shut the door to his room with a firm clap.

"So it has come to this, Hijikatasan." Souji said, his voice oh-so-deadly-soft. An ominous gust of wind rustled his hair.

The hulking black shadow came to a halt. "Souji," it growled. "You know why I'm here?"

Souji took a small, graceful step forward. Hijikata blinked, confused and annoyed. The vice commander could tell from the way the young man was holding his katana that Souji meant business.

"Oh, I _know_ why you're here," Souji answered, his eyes half-closed.

"Then get out of my way!" Hijikata commanded.

"No, Hijikatasan."

"What did you say?"

"I said No." Souji held out his weapon in such a way that it crossed the door to his room in Hijikata's line of sight. "You're _not _taking that girl."

"I don't have time for this!" Hijikata growled, holding up his own sword. "Give her to me!"

"No," Souji said coolly.

"Soooujiii…"

"I'm sorry, Hijikatasan, but this is one time when I _won't _allow you to have your way. The poor girl is drunk. Just let her sleep it off, and in the morning, I'll escort her home and we'll pretend this whole thing never happened."

"You 'won't_ allow_' me? '_Allow_' me?" Hijikata repeated, aghast. His eyes acquired a feral yellow gleam. "Souji, have you finally lost it? I can not _believe_ that you're defying me over some worthless drunken whore! Now for the last time, get out of my way!"

"I _won't_ let you have her," Souji said softly. "Please return to your own room, Hijikatasan. I don't want to fight you, but if I must, then I promise you I won't hold back."

Something in the young man's voice and stance made Hijikata realized that his life was very possibly at stake. But rather than being discouraged or intimidated, the realization only infuriated the vice commander and made him twice as determined to get his way.

"You don't know what you're doing," Hijikata said threateningly. "Do you intend to _disobey_ a direct order?"

"I _intend _to let that girl sleep undisturbed until morning," Souji replied.

"Too bad. I'm taking her right now!"

"You're not going to get even one step closer to her," Souji told him.

"Grr! This is ridiculous! She's just some random drunk! Why do you care what happens to her, anyway? What kind of game are you playing?" Hijikata demanded.

"She's defenseless," Souji said quietly.

"Don't tell me you've got _feelings_ for her," Hijikata sneered. "Hah! What nonsense."

Souji looked at him sadly. "I suppose your attitude is forgivable, due to the violence of the times," he said, his voice bitter with regret. "I wasn't exactly surprised that you came over here, but I am… disappointed."

"_What?_"

"I had hoped that even if you found out about her… you wouldn't come for her."

"Souji, that doesn't make sense! Can you think of a single reason why I _wouldn't_ dash over here the instant I heard about her?"

Souji's expression clouded. "A _single reason_, Hijikatasan?" he asked. "How about chivalry? How about _respect_, dignity, compassion, or self control?"

"Damn it, Souji, this has nothing to do with any of those things!" Hijikata sputtered, completely confused.

"How true," Souji replied sadly.

Steeling himself, Hijikata moved one foot forward. Souji's eyes shone with cold fire.

"I _said_, not another step," Souji warned in a hushed voice.

With both hands gripping his sword, Hijikata slid his foot forward again. Souji's reaction was immediate. With a brief battle cry, he leapt off the porch, sword flashing. He attacked almost too quickly to see, spinning Hijikata's weapon out of his hands, and knocking him solidly in the temple with the haft of his sword. Stunned, Hijikata collapsed. Kneeling quickly, Souji caught the vice commander as he fell, and wordlessly lowered him the rest of the way to the ground. Then Souji stood up, looking down at his unconscious victim with an expression of mixed disapproval and pity. With a depressed sigh, he headed back to his room.

Watching all of this from the shadows, the Yaminobu ninja cursed silently. That had been the most incredible attack he had ever witnessed- the captain of the first squad of the Shinsengumi was obviously as skilled as the hitokiri Battousai!

The ninja leapt away into the night to gather reinforcements. If a swordsman as dangerous as _Okita Souji _had decided to keep the Yukishiro woman, it might take more than one Yaminobu ninja to reclaim her.

* * *

Several hours passed, and in the cold bluish light of early morning, Tomoe opened her eyes. It took her a few minutes to realize that her surroundings were unfamiliar. _Where am I? _Had she been carried off by Battousai as planned? Was she in the Choshu hideout? She closed her eyes again and winced a little. Her head hurt. Clearly she had overestimated her ability to handle that much alcohol. But she remembered having a wonderful dream. Instead of her mortal enemy, her beloved fiancé had shown up at the tavern and rescued her… 

Tomoe sat up stiffly, pressing a hand to her head. _What have I done?_ Had she ruined the plan? She realized that she was still fully dressed- even if she had been carried off by the wrong person, at least she hadn't been molested. She noticed that a blue haori had been laid on top of the blanket for extra warmth. She recognized the white triangles on the sleeves: _Shinsengumi_.

Tomoe's face remained expressionless, her dark eyes unreadable. Carefully she looked around the room, which was small and a bit cluttered. Her eyes came to rest on the room's other occupant, a young man in a yukata who was sitting up against the door with a sword propped against his shoulder. She studied him silently for a moment, and decided that he was definitely asleep. But who was he, and why was he there? And why was he sleeping with his hand on his sword- was he afraid of something?

He was probably Shinsengumi. Was he a killer, then? Tomoe stared at him, her eyes black as coals. His sleeping face was handsome, smooth-skinned and delicate. Almost feminine, actually. For some reason she wanted to take a closer look at this person, perhaps to find some clue as to his identity. Without making a sound, she stood up and began to creep towards him with natural, cat-like stealth.

About halfway across the room, her foot bumped something and she looked down. It was a book that had somehow fallen open, revealing several round, scribble-y sketches of a… very…cute…piglet. Inexplicapably, she knew that the book and the cute drawings belonged to the young man with the sword on his shoulder. Her motherly instincts evoked, Tomoe looked back at the sleeping Okita-- and saw only a child.

And it was rather chilly in the room, so…

She couldn't help it. She'd cared for her baby brother for years and years, and was forever covering the boy with coats and blankets so he wouldn't catch a cold in his sleep. Silently, Tomoe crept towards Souji, holding out a blanket in both hands. Obviously this young man had been kind enough to give her his futon for the night. The least she could do was make him a bit more comfortable in this cold, predawn hour.

Carefully she bent forward and draped the blanket around the sleeping Shinsengumi captain.

Souji's eyes fluttered opened in surprise.

He was pretty groggy. He glanced up in Tomoe's general direction… and smiled happily.

"Thanks!" he mumbled, and promptly fell back asleep.

* * *

Author's note: You know something funny? I've been an RK fan for Forever, and yet I don't know the reason why those people who Tomoe was working with (the yaminobu etc) wanted to kill Battousai! Was it just because he was strong? Arg! If you know, please explain it to me! Anyway, I hope all the parody-scenes in this chapter are obvious. If you feel like you've missed something, don't worry... our favorite troublemakers will spell it out for ya in the next chapter! thanks for reading, and for all the awesome reviews too! 


	4. emotional weakness

Author's note: It seemed like all the cool kids were updating or posting new stories so I figured I'd tag along and try to join the party. Hi cool kids!

Chapter 4: emotional weakness

"_Shinpachiiiiiii!"_

The short redheaded captain snorted and woke up, blinking disconcertedly. He _thought_ he had just heard somebody wailing his name. Before he had time to wonder if he'd only dreamed it, the door snapped open and Heisuke came flying into the room, tears streaming down his face.

"Hei- " Shinpachi started to say, but was cut off as the younger captain fell to his knees at the edge of the futon and buried his tear-streaked face against Shinpachi's chest.

"It's so horrible, it's so awful, I can't even comprehend it, can't even _imagine_ it," Heisuke sobbed deliriously, clenching Shinpachi's blanket in his fists and oozing snot all over the place.

Shinpachi put his hands on Heisuke's shoulders and pushed himself into a sitting position. "Hey man, calm down! What's going on?"

"It's the end of the Shinsengumi! It's all over, it's all gone to hell now! Oh, Shinpachiiii!"

"Heisuke, what happened?" Shinpachi asked, alarmed.

Heisuke looked up, sniffling. He wiped his nose on Shinpachi's blanket and took a shaky breath. "I went to check on the girl, the one we found last night. But Souji's room was empty, and then I saw that Hijikata's room had been completely trashed- a whole wall had been torn down- and there was blood all over the floor- and then I saw a body out in the yard- and- and- I didn't look too close but I'm sure it's HIJIKATA!"

Shinpachi shook his head, trying to make sense of this information. "What are you saying?" he asked his friend.

"Don't you get it?" Heisuke practically shrieked. "Hijikata's been KILLED!"

"WHAT!" Sano bellowed from the next room. There was a clatter, a crash, the sound of ripping fabric, and then Sano came charging through the door, spear in hand, his yukata torn apart, revealing his bulky chest and shoulders. "Did you just say that Hijikata's dead? _Killed _dead? This means WAR!"

"Goodness, you're all up early," commented a gentle voice from the hall. Sano looked over his shoulder as Souji appeared in the doorway, glancing coolly at each of the three troublemakers in the room: the growling furious one, the wide-eyed shocked one, and the sniffling distraught one. Souji smiled calmly. "Would anyone like to explain what all the fuss is about?" he asked.

For a moment no one spoke, and then Sano let out a deep breath. His rage dissolved into pity and he placed a strong hand on Souji's shoulder. "You might want to sit down, man," he said gravely.

"Ok," Souji said, kneeling gracefully on the tatami. Sano swallowed and sat down next to him. He looked deep into Souji's round, violet eyes.

"Oh, man, Souji, I don't know how to tell you this, so I guess I'll just say it. Vice commander Hijikata… is dead!"

Before Souji could react, Sano wrapped him up in a bear hug and was sobbing into his shoulder and Heisuke was sobbing into Shinpachi's stomach.

"I know it feels like you can't go on, but you HAVE to!" Sano declared, bawling. "It's what _he_ would have wanted!" Sano shut his eyes tightly, practically smothering Souji with his big arms. "O great vice commander Hijikata, you were mostly a jerk, but you shall be avenged!" Sano shouted.

"Ahem," Souji spoke up, carefully extracting himself from Sanosuke's embrace. "But are you by chance referring to the fact that Hijikatasan is laying on the ground in the yard?"

"Yeah," Heisuke sniffled. "I saw him there just a few minutes ago."

Souji smiled. "I think we should go take a second look," he said.

* * *

The four young captains crowded around, curiously peering down at the fallen vice commander. Sano was still gripping his spear, and Heisuke still had tears in his eyes. 

"His skin's so white," Sano observed gruffly. "He must be dead. And that means WAR!"

Souji rolled his eyes. "_Shh_," he said, putting a finger over his lips.

"No, he's breathing," Shinpachi realized, his eyes wide. "He's alive! He's… _asleep_!"

"Indeed," Souji said. "Now, let's get out of here before he wakes up!" Smiling, he led the dumbfounded trio around to the kitchen, where breakfast was waiting for them all on a tray held by none other than the beautiful mysterious girl!

She blinked solemnly as the trio stared at her, open-mouthed. When no one said anything she put down the tray and then bowed politely to the three of them. "I apologize for the trouble," she said in a tiny, very feminine voice.

"D- don't mention it," Shinpachi breathed. In the daylight, she seemed twice as lovely. The three of them were transfixed.

She straightened and her dark eyes went directly to Heisuke. She studied him coldly for a minute, her face expressionless. Heisuke blushed.

"I see," the girl said softly, and continued in short, delicate sentences, her tone impossible to interpret: "It wasn't a dream. I made a mistake last night. You look similar to my dead fiancé. But you aren't him. Forgive my behavior. I was drunk."

"Well," Heisuke said, gulping. "Uh, that's ok, really, I… uh..."

Shinpachi elbowed him in annoyance and looked up reverently at the girl's perfect white face. "We're all deeply grieved to hear of your loss," he said solemnly. "Your fiancé must have been a good man."

"Yes, he was," the girl said emotionlessly. "We were childhood sweethearts. He was slain in the streets of this city. He was here to win my favor by proving himself in the service of the Tokugawa bakufu."

"oh," the trio said in unison, awed. What a story! What a tragic, typical story of the bloody times they lived in. Heisuke, Souji and Shinpachi all heaved a small regretful sigh, imagining the sorrow and the suffering of the graceful, solemn young woman before them.

"Sooo…" Sano grumbled, breaking everyone out of their reverie. "Can we eat now? And why aren't we worried about Hijikata snoozing in the middle of the yard?"

The men sat down and Tomoe served them their breakfast. "I'll explain," Souji said, picking up his teacup and sipping from it. "You see, your young lady friend here nearly had an unwelcome visitor last night."

"No _way_!" Shinpachi gasped, his eyes growing ridiculously huge in his round, childish face.

"You mean…. Vice commander Hijikata?" Heisuke asked in a strangled whisper.

"The one and only," Souji nodded. "He came barging over in the middle of the night and demanded that I give her up."

"My god," Heisuke gasped, appalled. "What makes him think he has the _right_?"

Souji shrugged sadly and Sano scratched the back of his head, mulling it over. "Well," the big man said at last, chewing with his mouth open. "He _is_ the _demon_ vice commander, remember? And he's pretty much famous for having any girl he wants, right?"

"Yeah," Shinpachi said, folding his arms inside his sleeves and gazing into his teacup pensively. "Ever since Serizawa got chopped, Hijikata's definitely been the alpha male in this pack of wolves, so to speak. But I'm wondering how he knew she was there. I mean, we didn't tell anybody except you, Souji. So how'd he find out about her?"

They all exchanged puzzled glances. Heisuke blanched, and then turned pink and started to sweat. "Do you think… do you think Hijikatasan might have a supernatural ability to sense girls? Kind of like Saitou and his ghosts?"

"Hah," Sano snorted. "I don't think it's anything 'supernatural'. He probably just _smelled_ her." He picked up his bowl and held it over his face to shovel the rest of his breakfast into his mouth. When he put the bowl down again, he found everyone, including the girl, gaping at him.

"_Smelled_ her?" Shinpachi asked incredulously. "You think Hijikata woke up in the middle of the night and went running over to Souji's room because he _smelled_ that a girl was hiding in there? Sano, what in the- "

"Well shit, I don't know- it's possible, isn't it? I mean, _I _think she smells pretty good, don't you?" Sano asked.

"Anyway," Heisuke said worriedly. "Souji, if I'm understanding this correctly, you actually had to _fight_ Hijikatasan last night to keep him from taking this young woman."

"Not really," Souji said, smiling a little guiltily and sipping his tea. "I only had to give him a little bump on the side of the head. It wasn't a 'fight', it was… a prompt dissuasion."

Heisuke shook his head. "Man, Souji, you're something else," he said. "When I saw the knocked-down wall and the blood all over the floor, I thought there'd been a full-blown _battle_ last night."

"Knocked-down wall and blood all over the floor?" Souji repeated, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean the mess your 'prompt dissuasion' left in Hijikatasan's room," Heisuke said.

Souji lowered his eyebrows.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the yard, the demon vice commander awoke. Warm sunshine poured from the eastern sky. Birds were singing. Hijikata felt remarkably well-rested. And he was going to have to execute the captain of the first squad. There wasn't a doubt in his mind. It had to be done and there was no way around it. No matter how much you love a dog, if it turns on you, you have to put it down. Souji wasn't a dog, but he _was_ out of control. He'd finally gone crazy. And so the boy would have to be put down. Executed. Killed. _It had to be done_. 

Slowly Hijikata sat up, his heart heavy. He felt a slight throb from the lump on the side of his head, and frowned. And kept frowning. And clenched his eyes shut and bit his lower lip- which started to tremble anyway- it had to be done- he had to kill Souji- damn it, Souji! The usually-suppressed creative side of Hijikata's brain suddenly conjured up an image of a severed head resting in a puddle of blood, its expression oddly calm with cheerfully closed eyes and a ridiculously cute smile, and Hijikata's shoulders shuddered. The vice commander dropped his face into his hands and made a sound that was probably almost a sob.

"_Hijikata fukuchou_," rasped a voice behind him.

Instantly Hijikata was on his feet. "_What?_" he snarled, furious that he'd almost been caught in a moment of emotional weakness. He spun around, shoulders thrust back and one fist poised imperiously on his hip.

To his surprise, at least twenty ninjas were kneeling in formation right there in the yard. The one at the front looked up and spoke in an ominous hiss. "I'm glad you're alright, sir. With your approval, we'll move in, eliminate the renegade, and extract our operative."

Hijikata recognized the hissing voice. "You!" he exclaimed. "You're the Yaminobu from last night!"

"Yes sir. I have gathered reinforcements for the task at hand," he or she hissed. "Do we have your permission to proceed with the operation?"

"Wait," Hijikata said. "You're here to reclaim some girl that you're using as a spy against the Choshu Ishin-shishi?"

"Correct."

Hijikata surveyed the ranks of ninjas. "And you need twenty people to help you with that?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, there's also the matter of the maverick captain. The one who attacked you last night," the lead ninja hissed.

"Oh," Hijikata said, and swallowed. "Right. I want to be sure he's captured alive. Is he still on the premises?"

The Yaminobu nodded once. "Sir, it appears he's taken the girl and three other captains to the kitchen area. It's not clear if they're his hostages or his co-conspirators. Shall we begin the siege?"

"The siege?" Hijikata repeated. "You're going to lay _siege_ to the kitchen?"

"Standard operating procedure, sir," the ninja explained.

"Grr," Hijikata growled. "This is insane. Fine! Do whatever you need to do. I want that miserable woman off my property!"

"_Hauh_," the Yaminobu huffed, as all twenty-odd ninjas vanished in a blur of black.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, the reason that Souji's expression had just turned serious had less to do with the fact that he was worried about whose blood Heisuke had seen on Hijikata's floor, and more to do with the fact that he suddenly felt that they were all in danger. "Shinpachisan," he said, his voice quiet and icy. 

"I sense it too," Shinpachi said quickly, automatically reaching for his sword, which of course, was not there, since he was still in his pajamas. "Damn it! We're surrounded."

Souji scanned the room. Tomoe looked up as if awaiting instruction. "Sanosan, you're the only one with a weapon, so please look after the girl," Souji said, somber and businesslike. Sano nodded and started to get to his feet—

"Watch out!" Shinpachi cried, but it was too late. At least a dozen ninjas burst into the room- through the doors and windows and dropping down from the ceiling and several even popped up through the floorboards. They were all bristling with weapons and before Sano had time to blink at least four of them had tackled him and tied him up with wire. Souji gritted his teeth and threw himself at the nearest invader, easily overwhelming the ninja and depriving him of the short sword strapped across his back. In the same instant, Heisuke tackled Tomoe, crouching down with her beside the stove and wrapping his arms around her protectively. With Heisuke's body on one side of her and the wall of the bulky stove on the other, she was actually in a fairly safe position. Souji and Shinpachi both acknowledged that the girl was protected, and then nodded to each other, recognizing that they were both prepared to fight. Shinpachi had also managed, in just barely a second, to borrow a weapon from one of the invaders. He and Souji turned and stepped backwards so that they were back-to-back.

"Rraargh!" the already-tied-up Sanosuke growled, preventing an uncomfortable silence from settling over the scene. "Come on, guys! You can take 'em!" he roared encouragingly, and then, unintelligibly, as a ninja wrestled a gag into his mouth and tied it firmly around his head. "Gnhngrnhmrn!" Sano cursed through the gag, furious.

Hijikata stepped through the doorway. "Surrender," he commanded in his scariest voice.

Souji frowned at the vice commander, took another look at the ninjas crouched and perched all over the room, and then lowered his sword. He blinked several times, looking more puzzled with each blink. "Something doesn't add up," he muttered at last. "Hijikatasan, what's this all about?"

"Why are you sheltering that girl?" Hijikata demanded.

"I told you! She was drunk; she needed shelter," Souji said.

"And I told YOU to hand her over, but you disobeyed me."

"So you called in an entire army of ninjas?" Souji asked in disbelief.

"No, _he_ called them in." Hijikata pointed to one of the ninjas, who, to Souji, looked identical to all the other ninjas.

"Who bled all over the floor in your room?" Souji asked.

"Yamazaki did," Hijikata said.

Shinpachi gave a relieved smile and also lowered his sword. "Oh, I think I understand now," the little redhead said. "Yamazaki told Hijikata about the girl. Hijikata was mad at Yamazaki for letting us get away with sneaking her in here, and so Hijikata beat the hell out of him before going over to Souji's room."

"But that doesn't explain the army of ninjas," Heisuke spoke up uncertainly.

"I did _not_ beat the hell out of Yamazaki!" Hijikata yelled, fists clenched. "The girl was on her way to infiltrate a key Choshu hideout when you bunch of idiots interfered." He pointed to the ninja again. "Then _this_ guy showed up in the middle of the night, threw Yamazaki through my wall, and told me that you all had kidnapped his 'operative' and stashed her in Souji's room. He asked me to give her back to him. But when I went to go get her," he glared at Souji-- "_you_ finally lost your mind and decided to commit _treason_."

Souji's eyes grew very round. He stared at Hijikata for a moment, and then his face broke out into a huge smile as a faint pink hue appeared across his cheeks. "Oh!" he said brightly, and then laughed. "So _that's_ why you came for her!" he exclaimed, unable to stop laughing. No one else seemed to think it was funny. At the word 'treason', Sano, Shinpachi, and Heisuke had all turned pale.

"You _have_ gone crazy after all," Hijikata muttered grimly, drawing his sword. "But that's no excuse. You've committed treason and you _won't_ be spared the consequences." His steely gaze was locked onto the merrily laughing captain. "I'll just get it over with," the vice commander whispered, almost to himself. He stepped forward menacingly.

"wait," called a soft voice. Tomoe stood up, and everyone looked at her. She stepped past Heisuke, the ninjas, and the still-giggling Souji, and stood before Hijikata. She bowed deeply from the waist, and when she finally looked up, her expression was completely unreadable. Hijikata felt slightly unnerved by the coolness of beauty. "Hijikatasan." She said softly. "I apologize for the inconvenience I have caused. But if Captain Okita committed treason, it was for my sake," she said quietly. "Therefore, I will accept his punishment."

"The punishment's death," Hijikata told her gruffly, glaring down at the cause of the recent mayhem. Tomoe merely gazed up at him, her eyes cold and deep, like pools of ink used to write sad poems. Hijikata blinked disconcertedly. Where had _that_ thought come from? Maybe Souji had thumped him in the head a little too hard.

"That's unacceptable," the lead Yaminobu spoke up. "Sorry, Hijikatasan. You can't kill her. She's non-expendable."

"Just take her and go!" Hijikata growled.

Tomoe's expression was as solemn as stone. "Not yet," she said to the vice commander. "I'm not leaving until you give me your word that you won't kill Captain Okita. I refuse to live with the dishonor of having Captain Okita killed for something that was my fault."

"God, if she kills herself it'll ruin everything," the head Yaminobu rasped. "Hijikatasan, will you please cooperate? Give her your word so we can get out of here."

"Your word as a samurai," Tomoe added.

"_Fine_," Hijikata grumbled, "I swear I won't kill Okita for committing treason on your behalf."

Tomoe bowed again, and then, rather anti-climactically, she walked out the door and into the sunlight, followed by all the ninjas.

* * *

Once they were gone, Hijikata took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then he pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead, and said in a low growl, "Souji, it's not funny." 

Souji was still in the process of stifling his giggles. He grinned brilliantly. "Yes it is!" he insisted.

"This time, I was really going to kill you," Hijikata informed him.

"Aw, come on, Hijikatasan. You weren't going to kill ME," Souji said cheerfully.

Without another word, Hijikata turned and trudged out the door, scowling.

Heisuke looked at Souji solemnly. "Dude, I think he was really going to kill you," he said.

"Nah," Souji said with a carefree smile. "He needs me." His eyes glimmered briefly as he realized that he'd just confessed pretty much his whole reason for living to the three troublemakers. But a quick glance at their faces confirmed that they were oblivious to the profundity of his statement, so he cleared his throat and changed the subject. "Anyway, the next time you all take it upon yourselves to rescue a beautiful girl, perhaps you should check first to make sure you aren't subverting the plans of any armies of ninjas out there."

"Uh, sure thing," Shinpachi said, doing his best to untwist the wires that were still restraining Sanosuke.

"She didn't even say goodbye," Heisuke realized, his voice cracking. "Last night she- she said she loved me, and this morning she just left without a glance! How could anyone be so heartless, so _cold_?"

"Heisuke, you're hopeless," Shinpachi said, exasperated.

"The whole world is hopeless," Heisuke replied mournfully. "Doomed and hopeless!"

"Yes, yes, we know." Shinpachi sounded bored. "You feel like you've been dumped again so you're going to try and kill yourself, right?" He was struggling with those wires. Sano winced and murmbled something rude-sounding into the gag, glaring ferociously at Heisuke. "I think Sano's mad at you," Shinpachi added unhelpfully.

* * *

Another A/N: I struggled with this chapter, possibly because I finished writing it six hundred miles away from where I started writing it. But the next chapter was written all in one place, and is almost typed! It should be up in a day or two. Thanks for the reviews- you guys are awesome! 


	5. halfway to ending the world

Chapter 5: halfway to ending the world.

"I've had enough!" Furutaka roared, as Hotaru cowered over yet another spilled bottle of sake. "Get out! Get OUT!"

"But sir, where will I go?" Hotaru cried, trembling as big tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I don't care! But I never want to see you in this shop again!" Furutaka declared.

"It's a shame to throw out a servant in such hard times," Yoshida said coolly, appearing on the stairs. "We need all the helpers we can get, no matter how worthless they seem to be."

In Yoshida's shadow, Suzu frowned sadly. Worthless… was sensei talking about him?

"There are quite a few ronin holed up at an inn called the Kohagiya," Yoshida continued in his smooth voice. "I hear they're critically understaffed. I'm sure they can find a use for a girl like her."

"Fine! Send her to the Kohagi Inn! I just never want to see her again!"

"Suzu," Yoshida said, without turning his head to look at the boy. "Do you know the place I'm talking about?"

"Yes sir!" Suzu said eagerly. "I've taken messages there before." Suzu looked over at Hotaru, the plain, clumsy little girl that he tried to ignore as much as possible. "Come on, I'll take you over there," he said to her. His jealousy over the fact that his sensei had taken an interest in the girl's employment was overshadowed by his happiness at the thought of getting the annoying ex-spy out of his way once and for all.

Suzu led Hotaru to the front door of the Kohagiya and politely introduced her to the calloused old woman who managed the place.

"That's fine," the old woman said, nodding briefly in acknowledgement of Hotaru's humble bow. "My girls are being worked half to death. In fact, I doubt that any of them will have enough spare time today to show her around. Your name's Suzu, isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am," the boy replied, startled.

"You've been here before. Give Hotaru a tour of her new home, will you?" Without waiting for a reply, the woman bustled off down the hall.

Suzu sighed.

* * *

Battousai was sitting on the porch overlooking the garden, leaning back against one of the wooden posts that held up the roof. He was carefully cleaning his katana. Occasionally small groups of Choshu ronin passed by, chatting or arguing as they returned from a meal or an errand in town- but when they spotted the red-haired boy on the porch they all fell silent. No one spoke a word to him, and some people even changed their path, heading for a different door than the one closest to the legendary little hitokiri. 

The red-haired boy was indifferent to this treatment. He didn't care if people avoided him- in fact, he almost preferred it. In the two weeks since his 'escape' from the Shinsengumi, he had been very busy, with assignments to complete nearly every night. But tonight, unless something came up at the last minute, he wasn't going to have to kill anyone. And that made him uncomfortable.

It was difficult to explain how he felt: it was a strange combination of feeling restless and listless, bored and yet hyperaware, tired and numb but also… edgy. He held his sword up in the sunlight, squinting at it. It was perfect. Not that it mattered. He lowered it again, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the steel as he did so. In the daylight, the wound on his cheek was bright and blood-colored. Surely it would become infected if it didn't heal soon.

Battousai sheathed his katana and held it across his lap, staring blankly into the garden. Feeling as tense and as restless as he was, he knew there was no way he'd be able to get to sleep tonight at a reasonable hour. So, he decided that he would go out later and occupy himself by getting drunk. He didn't actually enjoy getting drunk, and he wasn't very good at it. But it was something to do, something that didn't require any thought or emotion on his part.

Suddenly the door behind him slid open. "_Hora_!" exclaimed a giggly female voice. "They've got such a nice garden out here- with a koi pond too!" the musical, childish voice was an unfamiliar one, and Battousai turned his head just in time to see a brown-haired girl trip over the door track and come tumbling face-first onto the porch.

"_Itaaai!_" Hotaru whimpered, picking herself up. She managed to recover somewhat gracefully, tucking her legs beneath her and sitting up with proper posture. She looked over at the person she had nearly fallen on top of, and found herself gazing into a pair of wide… round… violet eyes. Bright, innocent eyes that possessed an almost mystical aura, a contradiction of danger and kindness. "ah!" Hotaru exclaimed, thoroughly surprised. Just like that, with just one look, she had fallen (literally?) in love. Her eyes shone with a multitude of quivering lights as she covered her mouth with her sleeve. "Sorry," she whispered, her heart pounding.

"Who are you?" Battousai asked, scowling.

"Hotaru," she said shyly, turning pink. "I, um, I just got a new job. Working here. I work here now."

"Well. Try not to hurt yourself," Battousai said quietly, looking away.

"Yes sir, I will," Hotaru promised breathlessly.

"Hotarusan?" called a somewhat annoyed voice from just inside. Battousai looked up in surprise once again as Suzu appeared in the doorway. Suzu did a double take. "Hi-Himura?" he gasped.

"Kitamura," Battousai acknowledged softly.

"So… you two know each other?" Hotaru asked timidly. Both boys turned to look at her and nodded in unison.

"What are you doing here?" Battousai found himself asking the white-haired boy.

"Yoshida sensei asked me to bring Hotarusan here," Suzu explained.

"It was Yoshida sensei who suggested that I come work here, even though I kept messing up at my other job," Hotaru said, obviously eager to be a part of the conversation.

"Yoshida's a jerk," Battousai said frankly.

"What?" Suzu looked like he'd been slapped. Battousai looked up at him, his expression rather cold.

"You heard me," Battousai said neutrally.

Suzu shook his head and lowered his eyebrows. "Yoshida sensei is a very kind person," he insisted.

"No _kind_ person would send a young girl to work _here_," Battousai said. "It's very demanding work, for almost no pay- and it isn't safe. It may not be the _worst _place in the world, but… there's been some harassment of the girls here. That's why some of them quit." He looked back at Hotaru and his expression softened a bit. "I'm sorry, miss. Being sent here isn't a reward for you. It's more like a punishment. You're going to have to be careful."

Suzu felt a warm rush of anger. "_Harassment?_ Yoshida sensei couldn't possibly have known about that!" he said, gritting his teeth. His eyes flashed. "Aren't you supposed to be a patriot? Yoshida sensei is a great leader, a great warrior, and a great man! He deserves your respect!"

Battousai leaned his head back against the wooden post, staring listlessly at the sky above the garden wall. Hotaru thought he looked especially adorable in that pose. "Whatever," he muttered. "If it offends you so much, forget about it. It's not important."

"No! I'm going to defend Yoshida sensei's honor!" Suzu declared. "Right here, right now!"

"I already cleaned my sword today," the hitokiri remarked. It was a simple comment, with no hint of malice in his tone, but it still managed to send a chill of warning through the other boy's blood. Suzu grabbed the hilt of his sword and gritted his teeth.

Hotaru looked back and forth at the faces of the two boys, her fists balled up worriedly under her chin. At last she couldn't stand it anymore, and she burst into tears. "Don't!" she cried out suddenly. Suzu and Battousai stared at her. "Please… don't fight!" she pleaded between sniffles. "It's… scary!"

The boys blinked at the crying girl, and then looked up at each other. "Um…" Suzu said awkwardly. Faint pink lines etched themselves across his cheeks, and he glared at the ground. "Well… never mind. I have to get back to Yoshida-sensei anyway," he muttered.

Battousai scowled, not at all fond of the idea of being left alone with the emotionally unstable Hotaru. "Yeah…" he said crossly. "And I've… got to go downtown." He stood up and tucked his katana through his belt.

"Downtown?" Hotaru asked, wiping away her tears. "Where downtown?"

"None of your business," Battousai said coldly, walking away.

Suddenly Hotaru found herself alone on the porch. She looked around, bewildered. Through the lovely garden and across the tranquil koi pond her tiny girly voice asked:

"Now what do I do?"

* * *

Across town, a thin, shadowy body was pressed against a wall, listening intently to the conversation beyond it. 

Under its baggy black outfit, the thin shadowy body was swathed in messy bandages, through which dark blood had seeped in several places.

Susumu shifted his feet. One of his thick-soled ninja tabi was soggy with blood, and he was worried that he might leave a bloody footprint. Susumu ignored the pain of the multiple injuries he had received last night in his destructive collision with Hijikata's wall. Something important was happening, something critical, and he wasn't even sure what it was. He was supposed to be an information-gatherer, but at the moment, he felt that he was completely out of the loop. Why had that so-called, self-proclaimed, most-likely-an-impostor Yaminobu guy demanded to see vice commander Hijikata last night?

Susumu had woken up in the middle of the night and staggered out into the yard. He'd discovered Hijikata sleeping peacefully on the ground, and immediately suspected poison. But Hijikata's heart rate and breathing had been normal, so Susumu had left him alone and limped quickly into the night, desperate to figure out what was going on. He knew he had failed Hijikata once again, and now he was determined to make up for his mistakes. Susumu _would_ get to the bottom of Choshu's latest plot, even if it cost him his life!

"Tonight's message is ready," a genteel voice said. Susumu recognized the voice immediately: Katsura Kogoro! At last, he had tracked down the slippery leader of the revolutionary traitors from Choshu, and now, surely, he would learn something useful.

"But who should deliver it? If you don't trust the kunoichi…" Susumu didn't recognize this second voice, which was gruff and masculine.

"Send one of those new boys," Katsura replied. "They just arrived in town, so it's unlikely that our enemies will follow them."

"But sir… they've never even met Yoshida-sensei."

Katsura sighed. Through the wall, Susumu's straining ears detected the warm fluttery sound of tea being poured into fine ceramic cups. "Just find someone who at least knows what Toshimarou _looks _like," Katsura said good-naturedly. "That should be enough. Yoshida-sensei will be waiting in the alley beside the safe house on Oike street at midnight. Make sure the messenger's on time."

"Yes sir," came the gruff reply.

Susumu heard the soft rustle of fabric and the shuffle of feet across the tatami, and then the sound of a door opening and sliding shut. The young kansatsu's brain was spinning furiously, and suddenly it spun up a brilliant plan. Breaking several rules of stealth, Susumu inhaled sharply.

Then, with admirable stoicism, the injured boy limped his way back to the Shinsengumi headquarters as fast as he could.

* * *

Later that evening, a certain red-haired hitokiri was staring morosely at his reflection in a dish of sake. Suddenly the reflection blurred as a large man practically jumped onto the bench across from him, bumping the table in the process. Battousai didn't have to look up to know exactly who it was. 

"Hello hello hello again, my friend!" Sakamoto Ryouma exclaimed loudly, beaming at the grumpy red-haired kid. "What a coincidence, finding you here! _Excellent!_"

"Go away," Battousai mumbled, not caring what 'ekku-se-ren-to' meant.

"Whatcha doin' in this shady part of town, buddy?"

"Getting drunk. Away from people who recognize me," Battousai replied, glaring at the table.

"Oh ho!" Ryouma said, helping himself to the bottle of sake. In a way that suggested he might have had relatives in the Harada family, Ryouma drank right out of the bottle and wiped his mouth sloppily with the back of his hand. Battousai blinked several times, disgusted. "Well- I'm afraid I'm a little busy this evening, runnin' for my life and all, but I'm never too busy to cheer up a friend who's feeling blue. So what's on your mind?"

"Leave me alone." Battousai was still staring down at the table, his expression sullen, his eyes dim and unresponsive.

Ryouma refused to be dissuaded. "Come on, what's with that face? It's not the end of the world!"

"I wish it was," came the quiet reply.

"What?" Ryouma actually frowned. Then, when it became obvious that the miserable kid had no intention of expounding that statement, the charismatic naval enthusiast blinked and rekindled his smile. "Oh, _oh_, you mean, the end of the _Tokugawa's_ world, dontcha? Ha ha! Very good!" he laughed for no obvious reason, and then drank the rest of the sake in the bottle. "Woooo!" he said, as his cheeks turned bright pink from the alcohol. Suddenly his voice dropped to a conversational level. "But you know, my boy, it'd be better if you'd think _positively_. Don't think of yourself as wanting to end the world. Think of yourself as wanting to SAVE the world!"

"What's the difference?" Battousai grumbled.

"Why, it's a WORLD of difference!" Ryouma declared, throwing his head back and laughing wildly again. "It's the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude! Remember the old riddle, 'how far can you run into a forest'? Even if it's a forest of corpses, the answer is still: _halfway_. Because after that, you're running _out_ of it, whether you know it or not. And of course you'd _never _know it, if you couldn't see the big picture. Which is why so much depends on your point of view—you need to have a broad enough perspective, and of course, you just have to keep running."

"You're crazy."

"No, no, no, you just don't understand," Ryouma said kindly. "But that's ok. Just remember what I told you before- and don't lose sight of the fact that you're doing the right thing, even if you can't see it."

"How am I supposed to not lose sight of something I can't see?" Battousai asked angrily.

Ryouma laughed at the kid, pulling his rumpled hat onto his head. "You're a very smart boy!" he declared. Battousai looked vaguely offended by the garbled foreign words. "That was English," Ryouma explained proudly. "And I'll tell you what- if you'll learn just one English word, I'll be on my way. What do you say?"

"Whatever," Battousai muttered.

Ryouma grinned brilliantly. "Just say, 'hello!' –it's a greeting!"

"Heru," the boy said reluctantly.

"No no no! _Hello!_"

Battousai frowned, then concentrated. "hei… hehro. Herou."

"Outstanding!" Ryouma proclaimed. "You say that when you meet someone. Remember it! " He stood up and stretched his hands over his head. "AH! I better be running along! Looks like it might rain tonight. Well, thanks for the drink!"

Once he got out into the street, the tall man nearly ran over a slender, white-skinned girl with solemn, ink-black eyes. "Pardon me, pretty girl!" Ryouma said almost gleefully, tipping his hat. The girl nodded to him blankly, and continued gracefully on her way towards the establishment that he had just exited.

* * *

Author's note: Sorry this chapter's late! I'm way behind on reviewing stories I've read and on replying to reviews, too. But on an unrelated topic, I _did_ submit some cosplay pictures of myself to the wonderful Shinsengumi HQ website, if anyone cares to see what this crazy girl looks like. Uh… if you have cosplay pics, send them in! I'm the only girl up there so far! Good grief. Anyway,lots of thanks to Umeko-sama for the idea of Kenshin thinking that Yoshida's a jerk. This wasn't the funniest chapter, but it was necessary to set up the conclusion. You'll see... eventually! 


	6. theatrical proficiency

Author's note: Warning! 98 percent of this chapter is about PMK characters. We'll see Battousai and Tomoe next time. Also, Yoshida is a pervert, but well-within the confines of the "T" rating...

* * *

Chapter 6: theatrical proficiency

It was perhaps an hour after sunset, and Vice Commander Hijikata was sitting cross-legged inside the dojo, silently and critically observing the rigorous kendo practice that was currently filling the training hall with the stink of sweat. Occasionally he glanced to his right and muttered a comment or a question to the smiling young captain beside him. This evening there were only four candles lit in the dojo. Training in semi-darkness to strengthen instincts and decrease visual dependence had been Okita's idea.

On account of the dim lighting in the hall, almost nobody noticed as a thin, shadowy figure struggled to open the door.

"Hijikatasan!" Susumu gasped, stumbling into the dojo at last.

The demon turned his head and scowled at the young spy. "Yamazakikun. Where have you been?" He demanded gruffly.

Souji looked up, smiling. "What Hijikatasan means is, he's been worried about you," he explained.

Susumu's face was blank, his eyes dark and practically lifeless. "I've been doing my job, sir."

"Hn! Probably not very well, considering your injuries," Hijikata growled.

Susumu blinked. His face remained emotionless. "Not to dispute that, sir, but I learned that Katsura's sending a message to Yoshida at midnight tonight, and I have a plan for intercepting it."

"Good work," Hijikata stated matter-of-factly. "What's your plan?"

Susumu explained without hesitation. "The message is going to be delivered by someone who has never actually met Yoshida-sensei, and who only knows his physical description." He paused for a moment. Both Hijikata and Okita were looking up at him expectantly. Susumu looked back and forth between them. Didn't they get it?

"And?" Hijikata said impatiently.

Susumu actually looked taken aback. "Haven't… haven't either of you _seen_ Yoshida Toshimaro?"

"Feh!" Hijikata grunted. "Of course I've seen him. He's the sleaziest-looking metrosexual creep this side of the Tamagawa."

Suddenly Souji giggled. Hijikata glanced at him, annoyed. "What?" the vice commander demanded. "Souji, you've seen him too, haven't you?"

"Oh, yes!" Souji said happily, looking up at Susumu with a conspiratorial smile. Then he closed his eyes halfway. "_Ahem_. I _have_ seen Yoshida-sensei. And if I were to give his physical description… I'd start with tall, dark-haired and handsome."

"He's pale-skinned, broad-shouldered, and he has sort of a casual slouch to his posture," Susumu added. "He's a master swordsman, so there's a fluid grace to his movements, despite his large, masculine frame."

"Good for him," Hijikata grumbled. "He looks sleazy to me. But what does this have to do with anything?"

Souji folded his arms, feigning thoughtfulness. "Let's see… besides being tall with sloping shoulders, there's one other thing you can't miss about Yoshida-sensei."

Susumu nodded. "He keeps his hair tied up like you do, Hijikatasan, except he lets his long bangs cover the right side of his face."

"So desu!" Souji exclaimed, pouncing on the vice commander.

"What the--!" Hijikata roared, struggling against the unexpected attack. "Souji! Get the hell _off _me!"

Obediently the young captain sat up, smiling angelically. The brief scuffle had achieved his objective: he'd managed to muss Hijikata's hair so that the long bangs which were usually tucked behind the vice-commander's ear were now hanging down over the right side of his face. Hijikata realized what Souji had done to him and his eyes burned in fury.

"Exactly," Susumu said, before Hijikata could unclench his teeth enough to make any disparaging remarks. "Hijikatasan, you'll be _perfect_ for impersonating Yoshida and intercepting Katsura's message."

"WHAT!" Hijikata clenched his fists. "You actually think I look like that twisted maniac? He's an arsonist, you know, and I hear he abuses his page boy."

"Those rumors aren't any worse than the ones about you and Tetsunosukekun," Souji reminded him patiently. "And none of that has anything to do with the fact that you happen to match his physical description." He laughed. "They say everyone's got an 'evil twin' out there somewhere, after all."

* * *

Several hours later, Susumu shuffled down Oike street with tiny steps, dressed in his sister's finest kimono. He was growing impatient; it was nearly midnight and his quarry was nowhere in sight. Only a few moments ago, he had seen an anxious-looking boy hurry past. The top of the young samurai's head had been freshly-shaven, and the dark haori he wore looked brand new. Susumu suspected that this nervous boy was Katsura's messenger. Any minute now he would be meeting "Yoshida" beside the Choshu safe house just a few blocks away.

Finally the cross-dressing kansatsu saw a tall dark figure moving gracefully towards him in the street. There was no mistaking the silhouette, with its broad, sloping shoulders and long limbs, the high ponytail jutting from the back of the head. Susumu forced his face to relax into a charming smile, his eyes softening until they appeared large and luminous. Swaying his hips ever-so-subtly, he headed straight for the feared revolutionist.

"Why if it isn't Yoshida-sensei," Susumu said, raising one sleeve-covered hand to his mouth. "Imagine running into _you_ at this time of night."

"Osensan, isn't it?" Yoshida asked quietly. Susumu smiled sweetly and Yoshida inclined his head in a nod. "Good evening."

"It _is_ a good evening!" Susumu exclaimed. "Why, don't you think it's just _perfect_ out here tonight? The air's so tense and thick- you can practically _taste_ it. It feels like it's about to start raining any second now, don't you think?"

"I suppose." Yoshida muttered. "Now if you'll excuse me…"

"Oh _do_ wait a minute," Susumu said breathlessly, fluttering his eyelashes. Yoshida paused and looked again at the lithe, feminine figure in the exquisite kimono. "It's not every day that a girl get so lucky, after all." Susumu murmured. "Accidentally meeting such a handsome man in the dark, under a heavy, starless sky… it rather excites me."

Yoshida looked Osen over from head to toe. "I would think that a girl such as you would have no problem meeting all the handsome men you could want," he replied in a low voice, smirking.

"Why, Yoshida-sensei, it's so cruel of you to tease me! The truth is… there just aren't many men out there who live up to my _standards_." Susumu paused a moment, forced his eyes to gleam seductively.

"How unfortunate," Yoshida said, and his eyes flickered down the dark street. "Now, excuse me. I really have to be on my way."

"So abruptly?" Susumu pouted. "What a pity. I'm sure you'll think it's terribly _forward_ of me, but… I've had my eye on you for a while, and meeting you like this tonight… well, this situation has me hoping that you might like to see if _you_ can meet my standards. Actually," he took a brief, fluttery breath—"something tells me that you might be able to surpass them."

"I'm not worried about being good enough for you, Osensan," Yoshida commented. "I have standards too. My concern, frankly, is whether _you_ could be good enough for me. Goodnight." Susumu's eyes narrowed as Yoshida turned away with a certain smug look on his face.

Yoshida's comment would have probably caused any normal young woman to burst into tears, but Susumu wasn't a normal young woman. He quickly recalled overhearing the gossip of the kunoichi girls regarding Yoshida's tastes- whether or not the man had feelings for his page was uncertain, but what Yoshida admired most about certain tomboyish kunoichi was no secret, and Susumu decided to use that knowledge to his advantage. He reached out quickly and grabbed Yoshida's hand. The tall man didn't say anything, but it was obvious that he was both annoyed and surprised by Osen's untoward action.

Susumu caught Yoshida's gaze and held it fiercely, his eyes smoldering. He held the tall man's hand lightly, and stepped in closer. He brought Yoshida's hand to his chest, so that Yoshida's fingertips just barely brushed the silk of the kimono. Slowly, Susumu guided those fingertips down and around to his side, and brought them to a halt at his hip. "Oh, Yoshida-sensei," he whispered sweetly. "I think I have what you want." Then, with a look just as smug as Yoshida's had been, Susumu curved Yoshida's hand behind himself and pressed it firmly against his rear end.

Yoshida blinked, and suddenly looked very amused. Osen's kimono was deceptively concealing- he never would have guessed that the graceful, willowy body had a butt like _this_. From the way she walked, she gave the impression of having rather curvaceous hips, but now that his hand was pressing into the fabric, Yoshida realized that Osen had practically no hips at all. Interesting. They were alone in the street, so he let his hand linger, and moved his fingers against the kimono in a massaging motion for half a second. "Well," Yoshida said with a smile. "You may be right. But unfortunately I haven't the time to explore the possibility this evening. I'm meeting someone."

"Why, you devil," Susumu teased, slipping away from Yoshida's grasp. "Flirting with me on your way to see another woman? Whatever became of your good manners?"

"It's actually a business meeting," Yoshida explained. "And I asked my page to meet me. Consider yourself privileged, Osensan. I've never allowed anyone to make me late to a meeting before." He bowed his head slightly, and strolled off down the street.

Susumu stood frozen to the spot, his eyes wide. He had managed to delay Yoshida for a few minutes, exactly as planned, but Yoshida's page was meeting him? Hopefully not at the place where the message was supposed to be delivered… if an extra person showed up there, one who actually knew Yoshida, it would be a complete disaster!

* * *

"You're standing up too straight," Souji criticized in a soft voice from his hiding place between the building and the fence.

"Ugh!" Hijikata grunted. "How am I _supposed_ to stand?"

"Stand like you usually do!" Souji instructed. "You know, leaning forward slightly, as if your arms were too heavy… no, not that far- just a bit of a slouch- ok… oh! Here comes the messenger!"

Souji fell silent and Hijikata looked up, and sure enough a young, nervous-looking samurai was sneaking down the alley toward him.

"Y-Yoshida-sensei?" the boy whispered.

Hijikata stepped out of the shadows. "Yes, that's me," He muttered stiffly. "You have the message?"

"Yes sir," the boy sounded relieved. He reached into the sleeve of his haori.

But just then another person slipped into the alley, a boy with hair as silver-white as moonlight. Hijikata gritted his teeth and the messenger boy jumped back, one shaky hand reaching for his sword.

"Don't worry!" Suzu whispered, hurrying forward. "I'm on your side. Yoshida-sensei asked me to meet him here- I'm his page."

Hiding in the shadows, Souji narrowed his eyes. The appearance of Yoshida's page was unexpected and unprepared for. Souji desperately hoped that Hijikata would come up with something, anything, to salvage the mission, preferably without having to kill the white-haired boy. But if the boy became a threat to Hijikatasan… Souji was ready to do whatever needed to be done.

Hijikata, wisely, had stepped back into the darkest part of the alley. Both boys turned and strained to look at him. "Yoshida-sensei?" Suzu asked.

Hijikata made a decision. He was not going to kill Yoshida's page, not unless he absolutely had to. "Give me the letter from Katsurasan," he muttered as quietly as possible.

Suzu's eyes narrowed suspiciously at the voice. "Sensei?" he asked hesitantly. The messenger was taking the folded paper from his sleeve, but Suzu reached out and stayed the boy's arm. "Wait," Suzu said, peering into the darkness at Hijikata. "Sensei… are you… all right, sir? Your voice sounds strange."

Hijikata didn't say anything, just reached an impatient hand towards the nervous-looking messenger-- but Suzu took a step backwards, bringing the boy with him, out of Hijikata's reach.

"What are you doing?" Hijikata grumbled angrily. "Give me the message."

Suddenly Suzu drew his sword, shoving the messenger boy backwards out of the way. "You're not Yoshida sensei!" Suzu accused, a murderous gleam in his eyes.

"Of course I am," Hijikata grumbled, taking a measured step forward. "What's the matter with you?" One more step forward. He focused on the now-trembling messenger boy. It was time for the vice commander to try out his acting skills. "It seems my page has finally succumbed to his paranoia," Hijikata said to the frightened messenger, trying his best to sound regretful rather than impatient. Then he glanced at Suzu and shook his head disapprovingly. "I always thought you might not be completely sane," he said to Suzu in a disappointed voice. "I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but…"

"Shut up!" Suzu shouted. "I'm not crazy! I know my master! You're a fake!"

"Shhh, boy!" Hijikata scolded. "Do you want to bring our enemies down upon us? Don't you know those Shogunate dogs have spies everywhere?"

Suzu grit his teeth and suddenly Hijikata got an idea. Hopefully he had the theatrical proficiency to make it convincing… and hopefully Souji would catch on. "Hoh," Hijikata said softly, drawing his sword and pointing it at Suzu. "Now I understand. That's it, isn't it? You _aren't_ crazy after all… you're a _traitor_!" The messenger boy gasped and bit his lip, staring at Suzu in disbelief. "You've gone over to the Bakufu's side, haven't you?" Hijikata continued. "You've deserted Choshu's cause and become a spy against us! I was a fool for not realizing it sooner. My own page boy."

"That's nonsense!" Suzu cried, enraged.

Suddenly another person stepped into view from the shadows at the end of the alley. "Stop right there, Yoshida Toshimaro!" Souji called out in a clear voice, drawing his blade. The young messenger's mouth fell open in shock.

"_Shinsengumi!_" he squealed, terrified. Although he had not been in Kyoto for very long, he knew what the light blue haori with the white triangles on the sleeves meant.

"Good work!" the Shinsengumi captain called, nodding to Suzu. "You led us right to him, exactly as planned!"

The messenger boy glared at Suzu in utter contempt, bitter tears of betrayal in his eyes. "You… you filthy traitor!" he hissed at Suzu. "How could you do this to Choshu?"

But Suzu wasn't listening to him. Instead, his dark maroon eyes were fixed on Souji, and burning with hatred and pain. Suzu adjusted his stance, and without hesitation, he attacked.

Souji was surprised. He had never expected such an intense reaction from the white-haired boy. Yoshida's page was actually quite talented with his blade- he was quick, unpredictable, and he was fueled by powerful emotions. Souji swallowed, feeling his consciousness slipping almost literally through his fingers, diffusing into the pulse of the fight. If he gave himself over to his sword completely, he would kill. That was just… that was just the way it was.

"Hurry!" Hijikata said to the messenger boy. "Give me Katsura's letter and get out of here!" The terrified messenger, meanwhile, was watching wide-eyed as Suzu and Souji's battle progressed a little further down the alley. What had just happened didn't make any sense at all, but the boy was too scared to care. He fumbled in his coat for the paper and passed it to Hijikata. Hijikata leaned over and pulled the boy to his feet. "Now," he said gruffly. "Not a word of this to anyone. I'll deal with this Miburo myself, but we can't have word getting out. Your life depends on you keeping this a secret, understand?"

"Wa- wakarimashita, Yoshida-sensei!" the boy cried.

"Good! Now run! Go!" Hijikata gave him a good shove in the direction of the exit. The boy took off sprinting and soon he was gone. Hijikata turned his attention to Souji, and narrowed his eyes. God, how he hated it… the weight that grew in his chest, the sickening guilt… watching Souji fight as if possessed used to flood Hijikata with amazement, even pride… but not anymore.

"That's enough," he growled, stepping around to where Souji could see him clearly, his sword still at the ready.

Souji blinked and frowned, and for a second he looked like he didn't know where he was. Then a placid expression spread over his face, and he looked at Hijikata with clear eyes. "I've drawn my sword against this boy," he stated softly. According to the rules of the Shinsengumi, he had to kill his opponent. A raindrop plinked softly onto the blade of his sword, and Hijikata frowned.

"We've accomplished the mission. I'm ordering you to withdraw," Hijikata said. Souji made a soft sighing sound, and smiled at Suzu.

"You can go," Souji said to Suzu in a kind voice, as if dismissing a student from class.

Suzu was gasping for breath, looking back and forth between Souji and 'Yoshida' in obvious hatred. He knew he had no chance against them… if he died here, without killing even a single Mibu ronin, he'd fail to avenge to brother- and obviously he'd be of no further use to his master. If he died here, he'd never see his master again. With angry tears springing to his eyes, Suzu made his decision. He turned and fled.

"Hmf," Hijikata grunted, sweeping his hair away from the right side of his face and attempting to tuck it behind his ear. "I knew this was a stupid plan," he grumbled. "I _told_ you I don't look like that creep."

Souji smiled and sheathed his weapon as the rain began to pour.

* * *

That same rainy night, Hotaru was awakened by a rough hand on her shoulder. She sat up with a start, remembering Himura's warning about 'harassment'—but to her relief it was only the wearied landlady hovering over her.

"Get up, Hotaruchan," the woman said gruffly. "I've got a chore for you to do." Rubbing her eyes, Hotaru followed the landlady down to the washroom, where there was a pile of clothes in a tub. "Wash these, please," the woman instructed. "There's blood on the shawl, the obi, everything. I'm afraid if we wait til morning, the stains will set, especially on the kimono. Well, good luck."

"But Okamisan!" Hotaru cried, bringing a worried fist up to her chin. "Whose clothes are these? Surely they haven't… they haven't… murdered a _woman_—have they?"

Okami sighed. "No, Hotaru, the poor girl's fine. She's upstairs asleep. But in the future, you're going to have to learn to be less curious about such things. You'll be washing a lot of bloodstained clothes from now on. I hope you're good at it."

"I'll do my very best!" Hotaru declared, and landlady left her to her task. As she scrubbed the white kimono over and over, Hotaru couldn't help but wonder who the bloody clothes belonged to. If they belonged to a kunoichi, it might be someone that she knew, from her old job back at Masuya. Okamisan had just told her to be less curious, but Hotaru simply couldn't wait to find out who the 'poor girl' was…

* * *

Another A/N: Gaaah, two chapters left! 'Toshi and Toshi' wraps up the trouble with look-alikes for this story. For a while I was going to have Yoshida actually _see_ Hijikata impersonating him, but I decided that poor Hijikata didn't deserve to be humiliated like that. Oh, by the way- _Kaze Hikaru_ vol. 2 is out now! Yaaaaay! 


	7. uri futatsu

Chapter 7: uri-futatsu

… and as it turned out, Hotaru didn't have to wait long to find out about the girl at all, because the very next morning, there she was serving breakfast to the men!

Hotaru was peering through a crack in the door in the adjacent room. She rubbed her sleepy eyes and stared at the girl in wonder. All the men were gawking at her, too- she was beautiful, with pale skin and dark hair, a daintily-pouting mouth and somber, ink-black eyes. Hotaru overheard as the beautiful girl introduced herself as Tomoe.

Hotaru caught her breath. There was Himura! Oh…the adorable red-haired boy looked like he was annoyed about something. Hotaru wondered briefly what it was, but then her attention was drawn back to Tomoe, who was passing out bowls of rice ever-so-gracefully. Hotaru's cheeks turned as pink as her kimono, and her eyes shimmered in awe and immediate idolization. The solemn-looking girl was just so poised, so _collected_… Hotaru was certain that _Tomoe_ would never spill sake on anybody, not in a million years. Tomoe would probably never trip over her own feet, or fall down the stairs- Tomoe would probably _never_ tip over the tofu buckets, or burn the fish, or lose the very important note from So-and-so, or forget whether the man with the reinforcements was coming from Tosa or Satsuma…

Hotaru sighed. Tomoe seemed so _perfect_… And yet... those had been Tomoe's clothes, splattered with blood… what had Tomoe done to get her clothes so dirty? Hotaru concluded that Tomoe must be a very high-level kunoichi, who completed a dangerous, deadly assignment last night. But… who had been the target? Someone important… someone dangerous… someone that even a perfect, cold-blooded ninja-assassin like Tomoe would've had trouble killing.

Young love-struck girls are not known for their cool use of logic or common sense, and suddenly Hotaru remembered the _other _adorable swordsman that she was currently infatuated with… could it be that Tomoe had been sent to kill _Okita-sama?_

Later that morning, Hotaru finally managed to confront the graceful, somber-eyed girl as she was sweeping the kitchen. "Um… anooo… eh- excuse me…" Hotaru mumbled timidly. Tomoe turned and looked down at her.

"Yes?" Tomoe asked, her voice even softer than Hotaru's.

"Um… I'm Hotaru… and, ah, I was wondering if… did you happen to… to '_meet'_ Captain Okita of the Shinsengumi?"

All things considered, it was a ridiculous question. But it just so happened that Tomoe _had_ met that particular individual, and had been subsequently assured by the Yaminobu that absolutely _no one_ connected to the Choshu Ishin-shishi knew anything about her accidental overnight visit to the Shinsengumi. And so, although she kept her face completely expressionless, Tomoe was a little unnerved by Hotaru's question. She searched Hotaru's eyes, her grip on the broom handle tightening just a bit.

"Shinsengumi, was it?" Tomoe asked softly after an awkward moment. "Why do you ask?"

"Well… I saw the blood on your kimono from last night, and I… well… you're a spy, aren't you?"

Now Tomoe was _very_ unnerved. How on earth had this timid little nobody of girl managed to figure out that Tomoe was a spy? Tomoe wasn't sure what to say. If her face had had any color to begin with, it probably would have drained away at that moment. She blinked a few times. "A… _spy_?" Tomoe repeated, her tone deadly soft.

"Oh!" Hotaru seemed embarrassed. "Well, I know that 'spy' is not really the right word… maybe you're more of an 'infiltrator' or a secret agent or something? You know, someone who goes undercover on _very_ important assignments? I was training to be a kunoichi myself, but, ah, I wasn't very good at it." She blushed and smiled at Tomoe.

Tomoe narrowed her eyes in a vaguely threatening way. Was this girl trying to say that she knew Tomoe's secret? If that was the case… Hotaru would have to be dealt with _very_ quickly. "It's very …_open_ of you to talk about such things with me here," Tomoe said evenly.

Hotaru's eyes widened, and she clapped her hands over her mouth "Ah, I'm really sorry!" she exclaimed. "I guess Katsura-sensei or Miyabe-sensei --whichever one is your boss-- wouldn't want you talking about your targets. But… please… can you at least tell me that you _weren't_ sent to assassinate Captain Okita?"

Tomoe blinked again, and realized that the young brown-haired girl didn't have a clue after all. At this point, most people would have probably smiled in relief. But Tomoe did nothing of the sort. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, Hotaruchan," Tomoe said softly. "I'm not a spy or a secret agent at all. About the blood on my kimono… last night, I simply happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I witnessed a murder. That's all there is to it."

* * *

Meanwhile, back at Shinsengumi headquarters, a commander, a vice-commander, a captain, and a kansatsu were having an important strategic meeting behind closed doors. 

"But Toshi… you really think Katsura doesn't _know_ that we've intercepted this message?" Commander Kondou asked skeptically.

Hijikata nodded. "There's no way Yoshida will go to Katsura directly," he said, skillfully speaking without taking the pipe out of his mouth. "And Katsura will have only the word of that pathetic messenger-boy to go by, so he won't suspect a thing."

"Yamazakikun, what do you think?" Kondou asked, turning to the sullen ninja, who seemed determined to stay in a hunched-over bowing position for the entire conversation.

Susumu looked up. "Sir. I think Hijikatasan is right," he stated simply.

Kondou shook his head and sighed. "It still seems too good to be true. Yamagata Aritomo _and_ Takasugi Shinsaku, coming to discuss their 'Kiheitai' with Yoshida Toshimaro… three of Yoshida Shoin's most dangerous students, together in one place at the same time, this very afternoon?"

"Actually, Kondousan," Souji spoke up, "Yoshida-sensei won't be there… since he'll never get the message telling him about it. So there will be only two of them." He smiled cheerfully.

"It will be a quick strike, and it will be _devastating_ to Choshu," Hijikata said firmly.

"Hmm." Commander Kondou thought about it for another minute, and then smiled broadly. "All right!" he decided. "Let's go for it, exactly as you've proposed: A one-man operation, for surprise and simplicity's sake." He looked deliberately at Souji, and his eyes shone with affectionate confidence. "I bet our genius swordsman is eager for a good match, anyway," he said fondly. Souji blinked at him with round, innocent eyes. "I know you haven't exactly been _challenged_ lately," Kondou continued. "But, Souji, if you're really going to do this all by yourself, well… I don't think you can take either of them lightly. You'll have to stay focused."

Souji looked down at his hands, which rested limply on his thighs. For a moment it seemed like the old days-- Kondou providing last minute coaching and encouragement before a kendo match at the Shieikan… how Souji loved and admired Kondou then, the same as now… Souji looked back up and returned Kondou's confident smile. Then he spoke in a cheerful, gentle voice. "Kondousan, you haven't changed."

"eh?" Kondou said, feigning puzzlement. But the quivering light in the commander's eye proved that he understood what Souji meant.

Souji narrowed his eyes, his smile still in place. "Don't worry. You can just leave this to me," he said in an impossibly soft voice.

* * *

And so, a few hours later, Souji made his way through the streets of Kyoto, patrolling as nonchalantly as possible towards the place where the revolutionists were supposed to meet. If he took his time and made no attempt to conceal his presence, no one would suspect that he was actually on the hunt. If anyone thought it was odd for a Miburo to be wandering about alone, they made no comment. But a few people who were still loyal to the Tokugawa did stop and say hello to him, and thanked him for his hard work-- which raised Souji's spirits considerably. It wasn't too long ago that everyone in Kyoto had hated the Shinsengumi. Souji knew they still weren't exactly popular with the locals, but, it seemed they were making a little progress, at least. 

Before long Souji reached the street he was looking for. There was still another hour before Yamagata and Takasugi were supposed to arrive.

Suddenly something caught Souji's attention- the blaze of a familiar aura, an incredible concentration of sword-ki… and the unmistakable flash of a long red ponytail, half-concealed beneath a wide rush hat. Souji smiled as he caught sight of the boy slipping out of view behind the stand of a melon vender.

"Hello!" Souji called cheerfully, also stepping behind the stand. Battousai's hand was already on his sword. He didn't look up at Souji as the Shinsengumi captain approached.

Souji smiled warmly, not the least bit offended by the boy's hostility. "It's been a while!" he said. "Let me see… it's already been more than two weeks since you, _ahem_, escaped. I'm glad you're still alive and well!"

"Don't talk to me," Battousai muttered. "We're enemies."

"Oh, come _on_, Himurakun!" Souji said, laughing. "There's actually something I really wanted to tell you about!"

Himura glared at him coldly, and then looked away.

Souji frowned, and then glanced around- good- there was no one in sight. With a sigh, he shrugged his light turquoise-blue haori off his shoulders, took his arms out of the sleeves, and quickly scrunched the distinctive uniform up into a ball, wrapping the white _haori-himo_ cord around it. Then with a big smile he hid the blue-and-white bundle behind his back. "There!" he exclaimed. "_Now_ will you talk to me?"

Before Himura could reply, a slender girl carrying a basket of vegetables stepped out of the shop that was adjacent to the melon stand.

Tomoe froze. Standing in front of her was the very Shinsengumi captain that Hotaruchan had been asking about earlier that day- what was he doing here? Tomoe had never expected to run into someone from the Shinsengumi again, especially not with Battousai as her escort-- and Souji certainly looked surprised to see her, too. Tomoe could feel Battousai's eyes on her, but she remained staring at Souji. Before the young captain could speak, however, Tomoe brought her lower eyelids up just a fraction of an inch, and gave Souji a _look_, accompanied by the tiniest shake of her head.

Souji was pretty good at reading people, and he got Tomoe's message: _don't you dare reveal that you know me_. He swallowed and collected his wits. "Oh," he said. "Hello, miss. You startled me."

"My apologies, sir," Tomoe said softly, nodding her head to Souji and then stepping over to where Battousai stood. "Is he a friend of yours, Himurasan?" Tomoe asked, her voice completely neutral.

"Is _she _a friend of yours, Himurakun?" Souji echoed cheerfully, not missing a beat.

"None of your business," Himura replied.

Souji laughed quietly, leaning back and resting one wrist over the hilt of his sword. "It sure is nice to see you again. What are you doing out here, anyway?"

"We're shopping," Tomoe said matter-of-factly, before Battousai could repeat that it was none of Souji's business.

"That sounds like fun!" Souji started to say, but he was interrupted.

"IYAA! _Okita-samaaa _!" the high-pitched shriek was one of horror rather than delight. Hotaru threw herself out of the shop, her basket full of groceries falling to the ground forgotten. Her irrational teenaged mind leapt to all kinds of dreadful conclusions and her huge brown eyes trembled. The young swordsmen facing off in front of her were the two most adorable boys in Kyoto, and probably in the whole world-- and just because they happened to be on opposite sides of some silly political issue, here they were preparing to slaughter each other in the street! "_Don't do it _!" Hotaru pleaded desperately.

Battousai, whose nerves were already frayed from the task of escorting Tomoe and Hotaru on shopping errands around town all day, took half a step forward and drew his sword. Souji's expression clouded instantly.

"Calm down," Souji said softly, looking back and forth between the red-haired boy and the brown-haired girl as if trying to decide which of them was more of a threat.

"Don't do it!" Hotaru repeated. "Okita-sama, please… don't fight him!"

"I'm not here to fight him, Hotarusan," Souji told her, frowning a little.

"B-b-but you brought your swords," Hotaru blubbered, pink-cheeked and terrified. "Y-y-you _never_ carry swords, unless you're… you know… going to fight people and k-k-kill them and stuff!"

Souji sighed. "Hotarusan. Come here," he said gently, and Hotaru gasped. Entranced, she obeyed, pulling her fists up to her chest as if she were afraid her heart would jump right out through her skin and fly away at any second.

Locking eyes with Himura, Souji brought his bundled-up haori out from behind his back, and handed it to Hotaru, who wrapped her arms around it and blinked in surprise. Then Souji pulled both of his swords from his belt, and laid them almost carelessly across his uniform in the girl's arms. Weaponless now, and smiling kindly, Souji took a step backwards. Himura glared at him for another moment, and then slowly nodded and sheathed his katana.

"See? Crisis averted!" Souji said brightly.

"What is it you want to tell me so badly, anyway?" Himura muttered.

"It's just that… I really admire your boss!" Souji said.

"huh?" Himura asked.

"Well, you see, I had the honor of meeting Katsurasan about a week ago. He wanted to thank me personally for helping someone that he feels responsible for." Souji smiled as the little Ishin-shishi digested those words. "I thought it was really amazing that Katsurasan took the time to do that," Souji continued. "Choshu sure is lucky to have him for a leader."

"Uh… thanks," Himura said, a little awkwardly. "The Shinsengumi certainly isn't lacking in good leadership, either."

"You think so?" Souji beamed. "Well. Commander Kondou and both the vice commanders are old friends of mine, so I know they try their best." Souji blinked and looked back and forth at both of the girls, and then settled his friendly gaze on the red-haired hitokiri. "Anyway, Himurakun, what have you been up to lately?" There _might_ have been a tiny bit of mischief in his tone.

The boy frowned. "That's what I should be asking _you_," he grumbled. "Isn't the Shinsengumi supposed to be looking for Sakamoto Ryouma? Maybe you and your friends should get off your lazy Edo asses and catch him already."

Souji laughed aloud. "Why, it sounds like you might not be too fond of Ryoumasan. Has he tried to recruit you for his Navy yet?"

"Yes," Himura admitted, scowling.

"Me too!" Souji laughed. "He certainly is an interesting person."

"I think he's crazy," the redhead muttered.

"Yes, but aren't we all?" Souji asked lightly.

Hotaru had met Sakamoto too, and shyly she spoke up and joined the conversation. Somehow, the Shinsengumi captain, the Imperialist hitokiri, and the failed kunoichi managed to chat like normal carefree young people for a few minutes while Tomoe stood silently off the side, still holding her grocery basket full of vegetables. At last Hotaru noticed that Tomoe seemed to be excluded, and took the initiative to introduce her by name to the Shinsengumi captain.

Souji welcomed the information. Even though Tomoe had been an incidental roommate of his only two nights ago, Souji hadn't learned her name. And if she was upset now that he knew it, she didn't show it. But once she was introduced, and had bowed politely to Souji, her only contribution to the conversation was:

"Himurasan. I think we should be getting back."

To Souji's disappointment, both Himura and Hotaru agreed with her. Blushing, Hotaru handed back Souji's uniform and swords, and Souji crouched down to help Hotaru gather the things that had spilled out of her basket earlier.

As the two girls and their frowning red-haired escort made their way around the melon stand and back out into the street, Hotaru happened to look over at the rows of melons on display-- and she giggled.

"What's so funny?" Himura demanded, sounding partially annoyed.

"_Urifutatsu _!" Hotaru giggled.

"What?" Himura asked.

Hotaru blushed. "You know the saying, _urifutatsu_? I was just thinking how that exactly describes you and Okita-sama. You really are 'as alike as two melons'!"

Souji's smile faded as he watched the three of them disappear down the street. He hadn't forgotten that Tomoe was in cahoots with the Yaminobu, and was actually Hotaru and Himura's enemy. But that wasn't what bothered him. Friends and enemies were one thing… it was easy to understand those relationships and the joys and grief associated with them. But seeing Tomoe standing silently beside the boy like that… Souji sensed there was something else going on, something far more ominous. It was kind of like… a shadow.

Souji shook his head, wondering if maybe he'd been hanging out with Hajimesan a little too much. Clearing his mind, he refocused on his mission. Soon, his targets would arrive.

* * *

Author's notes:

1. feel free to complain/flame about the far-fetchedness of just about everything in this chapter! it was written way too fast.

2. 'uri futatsu' (literally 'two melons') is the same idea as 'two peas in a pod'

3. in the next and final chapter, Souji meets Takasugi! (cough) I wonder if those two will have anything to talk about? (cough)

4. sorry it's not as humorous as "halfway to saving the world", but I've actually been scheming all along to end on a more somber note. Just so you've been warned…


End file.
